To know I won't be able to handle a asd diagnosis

[Daisy1245]

Just that really and what do I do. This is in no way offensive to anyone and am 90 percent sure it will happen within the next year. I could handle a different diagnosis but not that one and I don't get what's wrong with me.

Is this about your child? If it is, you may think you won't be able to handle it, but you will do in time, as what's the alternative?

Maybe read up about ASD and find other parents in the same boat to talk to ?

Lots of useful info here:

www.autism.org.uk/

Yes about my DC. I'm sick of the looks when she is quirky. I'm sick of the looks when she doesn't respond to people. It feels like the world judges her just for being her. I have hate in my heart now. I blame myself for not knowing as I would of gotten her help when younger. I've always tried to get her help in school for the work side of things since year 1. She is nine now and suddenly won't mask by sitting perfectly behaved all day. Now the school have a Sen concern. Not when she cried every day, not when she couldn't answer a fucking thing all day, not when she cried everyday to not go school the next day. "She's happy when here" I was told. Oh so it's the piss poor parenting problem then. I've helped her, her whole life I thought she had a different Sen but would never of guessed asd. I've worked with children with ASD and they have had so much help. She is completely happy at home so I didn't know. She's happy to play with children we have over as they are her friends so I didn't know. She would not be diagnosed with HFA, at home there is nothing except she hates to have a bath. School ruins her life. She says now " mum you know I don't like social interactions" " mum you know I have social anxiety" these are her words and not come from me. A nine year old literally had to spell it out for us all. What kind of asshole am I then. She loved playing when younger, loved kids round the house. It got less and less each year. Most obviously from about 8 when she got bullied. I just keep thinking she was fine socially. She can't just wake up autistic. This isn't meant to be offensive to anyone I just need to get it out. Without school she would never get diagnosed as she wouldn't meet the criteria. When she attends school it's like another child she hates school. She was playing at the park yesterday with 12 year old girls and as we walked off one said quirky. I just hate the world for judging her and just think oh can u all fuck off.

You sound really sad and scared and angry; all valid feelings. I think you will cope with whatever diagnosis she receives, and I think you have enough amazing warrior mum energy to fight for her and to try your best (whatever that can be in any given moment).
My child was diagnosed at 9 and it was such a shock, but the diagnosis does fit.
A diagnosis also means (some sort of) extra support which hopefully will help your daughter at school. Of course you feel bad that she didn't have help in Year 1, but now is not too late and can still make a huge difference to how she is treated.
And quirky is not too bad a word, pretty cool really.