Am I right to be cross?

[Unfitmother]

Received a call at work from the head who is also the SENCO saying that DS had called a lunctimre supervisor a "stupid cow" ands asking me to come and collect him. DS has a statement as is being investigated for ASD.
This is the 4th time I have been asked to come and collect him in the last year.
The Parents Partnership Group state that this practice has no legal basis and any exclusion must be in writing.
I asked the Head for written notification which she said she would give but says she would rather deal with the situation informally rather than excluding him.
My worry is that this pracice is increasing and is highly inconvienient as both DH and I work half a hour from school.
Whilst I fully support them in punishing DS and am not condoning his behaviour should I let them know that I can't just informally leave the work place (ward, in my case)?

I think you are right to be cross. If something like this has occurred, then I think its a school issue & they should sort it out. Something like that does not warrant sending home! Yes, your DS needs to be told its not acceptable language but sending him home - doesn't really solve anything.

Mmmmm....we used this calling parent thing at our school but it was usually as a last resort for a child who was in such a state he was uncontrollable and refusing to co-operate.
If it is being used for a punishment that's not on, the school must find other sanctions. If they were finding it hard to contain him then he needs to go home.

He was sitting quietly outside Head's office when I arrived.
Can't decide whether to ask to make it formal so that they really think before using it as a sanction.

I should ask to see the Head and ask her to explain the behaviour policy and how the sending home fits in. Give her the chance to explain exactly what happened and if he wasn't unmanageable, ask if there is another sanction that they could come up with since you have difficulty with it and offering perhaps to support them with at home with something if necessary.

Thanks, I am meeting her tomorrow with DS and saw her today as well.
She said that as he had been rude to her in front of the whole class she had not wanted to allow him back in.
I can see her point entirely but need to get across mine.

I can see her point about not wanting to send him back into the class, but couldn't she have sat him somewhere else (such as another class) to do his work?

It sounds like she is copping out.

DONT EVER collect you ds without having a formal exclusion letter from the head and you need to tell the head that unl;ess it is a formal exclusion you do not wish to be called.
I had this at my sons last school. In total he had 6 informal exclusions and as a result we are struggling to get the LEA to recognise that DS needs support and that he is at risk of formal exclusion.
INFORMAL EXCLUSIONS are illegal and the head should not be using them. I suspect she is doing them like this as it looks bad excluding a child for his behaviour when his behaviour is linked to a recognisable disorder. Basically it can be seen as discrimintation which obviously would not look good on the school.
You really must NOT support the school with informal exclusions at all and you need to inform the head of this. Also repost the school to local LEA/County hall.

not sur ei fi was clear about what happened in our case. DS did have 6 informal exclusions, if they had been formal we would have been able to get extra help for ds but as they were informal we cannot access things which ds needs ie PRU units etc.

Mmmm, can see what you mean.
Have always had good relationship with the Head and want that to continue but not happy with the idea of the informal 'sending home' as it is an exclusion; but don't want to shoot myself in the foot and cause additional hassle for DS who moves to high school next year.

DH is hopping mad and is just about to come home - aahh!

Go and collect him for being rude?

Shocking.

I would be wary of the head not wanting to follow precedure.

We're just about to write a letter of apology!

I think you need to agree set 'time out' rules with the school if things like this happen - I agree the informal stuff is no help at all

This is DH, DW is correct I am hopping mad, fortunately have time to calm down before going into school. Furious that the school should put my wife under such stress over such a trivial incident,sons punishment totally over the top. Thankyou for all your constructive and supportive comments.

I hope you get it sorted out soon