My question is, when you reach paedatrician/Ed psych, did you have to say for example - “I think my child has ASD/ADHD/ODD” or is that not expected?
It's not 'expected' but sometimes it cuts out some of the polite 'feeling the way' of where parents are on their journey, for the Paed or the EP, if parents say "I was wondering if he might have....... What are your thoughts ?", as parents are genuinely in very different places when they get to appointments.
I hoped SLT would give me a bit of a clue about what she would think his disorder pointed to but she didn’t
SaLTs, very much like teachers, cannot make a diagnosis, as they are not medically qualified, so, although they might well be thinking "this child has Autism", they can't say that. They will report in to the Paediatrician and key terms and phrases will guide the paediatrician's decision.
That said, children can have "a Sp&L disorder" as their diagnosis. Obviously I don't know your child, but in our authority there are Resource Bases for children with Speech and language disorders that stand quite separately from the Autism RBs.
I can see lots of traits from some of these things
What is always helpful at an appointment, is for a parent to have considered why they have got to that point.
Do write a list or some bullet points of things that you wonder about. What is it that he does (or doesn't do) that makes you think he is different from his cousins or your friends' dc, or the other children in his Nursery ? What does he do differently ? What are the things that make him 'quirky' or that you turn to your other half at some point and asked if he had noticed that he always does X or Y?
List them out - if you can, be specific about things, so rather than 'he's a poor sleeper', note what time he goes to bed, when he goes to sleep, when he wakes up, how often, when he gets up for the day.
Or rather than 'he's fussy with is food' be specific about 'he will only eat beige coloured food and only dry food. He doesn't like anything with a sauce. He doesn't like anything with a juicy texture" or whatever the detail is.
The worst thing is to leave afterwards and think 'I never mentioned a, b, or c'.
All that said, yes, they will have a methodical list of questions they ask you. Probably about some things you've never associated with any of those conditions or indeed might not think is unusual.
Will they read all of the reports and what I say and give their diagnosis without me fighting for a particular diagnosis?
they will listen to everyone involved, and make a diagnosis (or not) based on the assessments they do and what they hear from people who spend time with him. They won't give a diagnosis of something he doesn't have, because a parent wants it. They do sometimes come to a conclusion that surprises parents.
My DS3 was flagged with some concerns when he started nursery in September. It is attached to the school and they let me know really early that they were concerned due to DS’s lack of speech and the no interest in his peers. All referrals were made to SLT and Ed Psych, HV also referred to Community Paedatrician.
The fact the concerns were raised so soon, and referrals made so promptly suggests the school feel there is a significant need there, if it was apparent from the very start.
Children very commonly present differently in school, or Nursery from what they do at home. The lashing out could well be a response to anxiety - brought on by he fact the environment in a Nursery class is going to be very different from the environment in a home.