This just isn’t working!

[theviewfromhalfwaydown]

My 12yr old ds was diagnosed with asd before Christmas. The diagnosis has been a really long time coming. We are now awaiting the paperwork confirming this.

My problem is he won’t engage with home schooling. He outright refuses to do his work and as I’m a single mum who works in a school myself he’s often left at home with his older sister who is trying to do her GCSE work but being annoyed by him not working. Even on the days I am home he will only work if I’m standing next to him but complains the whole time that he doesn’t understand. When he did his sats he had to have someone with him covering each question so he could cope with the work load but now he’s getting loads of work sent on an app and its like he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

I’ve tried to get him a place in school like last lockdown but as they have more children who qualify they have had to put it in order of need and because I don’t have the paperwork for the formal diagnosis he can’t get a place even though I’m a key worker.

Has anyone else had this problem I just don’t know what to do. I’ve made timetables I’ve done everything I can think of and he either ignores or has a meltdown which results in him breaking stuff. I’m honestly at the end of my tether with this.

It's such a hard time at the moment and many parents are reporting the same. Is there any subject that he does understand or is passionate about. Maybe start with that? Also, can school provide any online learning for him if they aren't already? Or, at least a daily check in call or something like that - even if the goal is to keep him engaged with school.

They call him every other day but that’s it. They keep telling me to sit with him and don’t seem to listen when I say I’m not home so can’t. He has lots of work to do online but he just won’t do it. It’s like he panics and doesn’t know how to start. He’s also put off by the sheer amount of work there is and when he opens a lesson sees five documents and videos to watch and then answer questions about he just freaks out and refuses. It’s so hard to know how to deal with this.

Quite possibly down to his ASD. Children with ASD often have difficulty when "school" and "home" get mixed. My two ASD children struggle with homework for this very reason. My eldest is year 10 and has dropped a GCSE so he can do all of his homework at school and that really helped. In the first lockdown they did zero home schooling, it was just too stressful and the schools agreed. Thankfully they are allowed in school this time.

Sorry, clicked post too early .... could you just get him to pick one piece of work to do a day with you? At least that keeps him engaged with learning until they can go back. The stress of seeing all that work piling up must be huge for him. At least this makes it manageable and shows the school he (and you) are trying

I know how you feel. I am in the same situation. My son is 12 refuses to do work and there is nothing I can do to make him. He is not diagnosed but I think he has ADD or ASD/ADD mixed. His sister also getting frustrated as she's in first year of GCSE and needs to concentrate.

He struggles with the idea of doing school at home. For him school is where he works and home is for relaxing. He also opens a task and if it looks like more than a 10 minute quiz or a quick Hegarty maths he won't do it.

It's just impossible and so hard. Sorry I don't have any ideas, but you are not alone.

@Mostlydrinkingtea that’s exactly what he does. He doesn’t want to read or listen to anything, won’t engage in the live lessons and makes every excuse under the sun.

He’s just falling further and further behind. My dd is in her final year and it’s just so unfair to have him screaming the house down all the time. It’s just exhausting.

The DfE guidance expressly says that schools shouldn't be operating any sort of quota for vulnerable children - and your child certainly counts as vulnerable as he has a diagnosed disability which, amongst other matters, makes him a child in need under section 17 Children Act 1989. They can't really claim to have no space when they have previously been full, though admittedly if they're having staffing problems due to illness and self-isolating that's a legitimate excuse.

I'd suggest you check out the guidance and quote it at the school, and ask them to confirm your child can come in next week.

The need to have work broken down into small achievable chunks, with rewards for completion is a common need in autism.

Take ALL the work away and just give him say 2 questions to do. When he has completed that, give lots of praise and something that he will like e.g. a toffee, 15 mins on a game etc.

Then give him 2 more questions or if necessary just give him one at a time, with a reward after each chunk.

Don't overwhelm him telling him how much he needs to do overall. Just one step at a time and praise all the way.

You both need a medal for coping in these circumstances, so anything you manage to get done is an achievement.

Has he got an Educational Health and Care Plan? EHCP will be the first step if he has been diagnosed ASD. The current school SENCO will need to help you to get it. It'll still take another long while but I think that's the only way to secure your children's education.

@Calmed

The need to have work broken down into small achievable chunks, with rewards for completion is a common need in autism.

Take ALL the work away and just give him say 2 questions to do. When he has completed that, give lots of praise and something that he will like e.g. a toffee, 15 mins on a game etc.

Then give him 2 more questions or if necessary just give him one at a time, with a reward after each chunk.

Don't overwhelm him telling him how much he needs to do overall. Just one step at a time and praise all the way.

You both need a medal for coping in these circumstances, so anything you manage to get done is an achievement.

Thank you for your reply this is what I do when I’m at home but I work full time in a school so I can’t be there to do it and my dd can’t as she’s in her gcse year. A lot of the work he gets is more watch this video, read these three articles and write what you think/make a PowerPoint about it. So he sees all the writing and videos and freaks.

@lwjint

Has he got an Educational Health and Care Plan? EHCP will be the first step if he has been diagnosed ASD. The current school SENCO will need to help you to get it. It'll still take another long while but I think that's the only way to secure your children's education.

I’ve spoken to Senco and they told me to wait for the report to come through as he’s so good at school they don’t see a reason for it.

An Education (not educational, by the way) Health and Care Plan isn't automatic after a diagnosis of autism.. Basically it's appropriate if the child's needs can't be met within the resources normally available in mainstream schools.

As Arobase said above, schools should not be putting limits on the number of children they allow into school. If you are single parent and key worker then he should get a place in school on days you are working. I would push his school on that point, stressing the impact it’s having on your whole family.

Op you are not alone. I'm with you! My ds13 with asd has not done a scrap of work this lockdown despite an ehcp, a place in school (he refused to go in), a laptop from school was sent home. Nothing works. Got read the riot act by the social worker today, but I don't think it will make a difference... He is waaay behind now 🙄

He can't cope with school work at home because he lives his life in boxes and home things belong in the home box and school things belong in the school box.

He absolutely should have a place at school because of his disability and vulnerability.

I would tell the school that he is stressed out beyond belief, that you won't be adding to the stress by trying to make him work at home, and he needs to be in school.