I’m getting 1:1 counselling, due to huge marriage issues, and am planning to get couple counselling with dh later. But I’m not sure it’ll work and there’s a fair possibility we’ll separate.
dh chose, a couple of years ago, to have no active part in our asc ds’ parenting, as he couldn’t deal with it. His instinctive reaction is to shout, to have expectations, to think that ds is choosing to behave badly. He delegated all of the parenting of behaviour to me and now just sits and silently fumes while I try and implement asc/explosive child strategies (that generally work in the long term but not necessarily in the nt timescale that dh expects).
Dh and I are fairly close to separating - for this and other reasons. Goodness knows how we’ll deal with the practicalities of splitting 20 years of household stuff but... my main concern is the shared parenting,
I’ve noticed my daughter (a year older than ds) is starting to take my ‘peacemaker’ role. She’s apologising, she’s minimising, she’s trying to cover her brother’s behaviour with jokes - to avoid dh getting cross. That’s the last thing I want :( Ds ‘ behaviour is instantly worse if dh steps in, as his anxiety levels hit the roof.
If I leave the marriage, I’m leaving them in this role EOW when they’re with dh.....
Has anyone been through similar? How does co-parenting work with an asc teen when the father really doesn’t understand asc/pda (but honestly loves their child- I couldn’t deny contact)