My Ds13 won't go to school-- please help!

[MackenCheese]

My Ds13 has diagnosed asd with PDA profile. He is very high functioning to the extent that when he was in year there was a question mark over whether he needed to be on the SEN register. He started Yr7, and behaviour at home immediately nosedived. Gradually his anxiety started increasing and over the first lockdown he seemed completely unable to regulate his emotions. There was no pastoral support from school, he stopped doing work, he hated the school and vowed not to go back. We decided to apply for an ehcp which was granted on appeal, naming another school. He did in fact go back, but doesn't do homework. He is due to start the new school next week. Today he was too anxious to visit even though the SENCo agreed to stay after school, to show him around. I am mortified and feel for him. I tried very gently to get him to go, but nothing worked. How do I get my son to school?? He's very bright and can't bring himself to go, because he is so anxious! Please be gentle, I'm already feeling guilty that I can't seem to turn him around.

Is there any way you can home educate him?

He'd love to be home educated. But for him that just means bunking off school. Lockdown home schooling was a nightmare because I don't have the skill set to teach a child with PDA.

I'm a bit confused (sorry!) Did he go back to the original school or new one?

Homework is often a big problem for kids with ASD as they need to separate home from school. My son has dropped a subject so he can do homework in school. A lot of kids with ASD that I know of do this

Ah, apologies. I've just read the post properly this time!

Is it a specialist school? If so the SENCO should be very used to this. Maybe the SENCO could do a home visit and start from there? It's the SENCO who should be leading this and giving you suggestions really

@ohflipit Did he go back to the original school or new one?

Yes, he did restart in his old school because of paperwork issues at county (they sent the wrong child's paperwork to the school so that delayed everything). He has had the past week off and I'm worried he won't do his taster tomorrow or start at his new school next week.
It is not a specialist school, but has an ASD ARP (additional resource provision for ASD). He doesn't have an ARP placement as such, but a mainstream one, but the specialist teachers are there. The SENCo didn't seem fazed. She has probably seen this before, to be fair.
Fingers crossed he goes in tomorrow!
Thanks for your replies

Don't HE. If you do, that hard won EHCP means virtually nothing because by EHE you relieve the LA of their duties.

DS' anxiety and behaviour are because his needs aren't being met at the current school. Do you think the new school can meet his needs in MS? Or does he need an ARP place or SS? If you think the school can meet his needs in MS I would persevere. DS' anxiety is likely to lessen once over the initial hurdle and his needs are being met.

If DS does need a period of time at home before re-entering a school, which I appreciate isn't ideal given he's demand avoidant, it is EOTAS you want, not EHE.

Sorry what does EHE, EOTAS mean? Thanks for your reply! @10brokengreenbottles

OK someone has explained. Thanks for your comments!

I'm glad someone has explained. Sorry, I should have.

EHE = Elective Home Education i.e. when you deregister.

EOTAS = Education other than at school. When the LA provides you education away from a school setting e.g. home tuition or via an online service. It can also include other therapies & provision that is in section F of the EHCP. The important point is this is not Home Education, the LA still have a duty to deliver suitable provision.

Thanks. Yes, it was a hard fought ehcp. But I'm panicking about what might happen if he doesn't go to the new school. On top of this hubby and I have just separated, so it's a stressful time for me.

If he refuses to go to school, then you phone the school and say he won't be in because he refuses. They need to work with youto get him to feel safe and trust school again. You also probably need to stop worrying so much about him "doing school" because it may well be there are hundreds of steps he needs to take before he is really ready to learn, learn in school again.
I would do things like limit screens at home (except for when used therapeutically). But also get him to do something "educational" every day - reading, telling you about something he's learnt about, making stuff, maths, puzzles etc.
And if his parents have split it is also an extra stressful time for him.

Ask the SENCO for advice. A managed return, starting from as little as an hour a day and gradually building up in terms of time and demands/experiences will support him. Arranging to go in at quiet times, or when the classroom is empty, might help. There are lots of things they can offer to support him at school.

@rawlikesushi those are some excellent ideas! Thank you so much x