3 year old - nursery flagged concerns

[MumandnotMum]

My DS just started nursery in September, he was 3 in July. His teacher called beginning of last week to say that on his welcome questionnaire, he’d “scored” pretty low as he wasn’t doing a lot things that they expected and they wanted to check whether he was doing them at home. Things like raising his arms to be picked up, pointing at things he wants or of interest. And he won’t talk at all expect for “okay”. His speech is definitely behind where it should be, i raised it with the HV at his 27 month check but she wasn’t that concerned, but to get in touch in need be. He was making slow progress But great everywhere else I thought he would catch up fairly soon. Anyway, nursery have referred him to the school SENCO who’s going to get in touch but I’m feeling sick with worry for him in the meantime.
From my googling, clearly autism is something they’re going to be looking at/assessing for but I’m really struggling with not looking at everything as a ‘sign’. If he has it then I obviously want to push for as much support as possible for him but don’t want to turn what have up until now been really adorable aspects of his personality into ‘symptoms’. I was hoping if I list a few things, someone could maybe say if they recognised anything please?

• He sings constantly, the same few songs but all the time.
• He runs everywhere, seems incapable of walking at a sensible pace, am yet to be able to let go of his hand anywhere. Will race back and forth the room all afternoon.
• He does act out a lot of tv and things, but also plays pretend games that a sibling has involved him in.
• Will play Dr’s or copy me putting my make up on or talking on the phone.
• very obviously behind in talking ability. I think okay in terms of understanding but Im a novice so no clue really.
• no problems with eye contact or touch. Certainly with people he knows.
• He’s either very taken with a person or he does not tolerate them at all.
• didn’t call me mummy until he was about 2.5, used my name.

Before this week, I would have said he was young for his age, still quite weepy but frustrated by his struggles with speech. Should I be pushing this with GP/HV or should I let the school lead?

If you got to the end, thank you.

There are a few things there that would raise some initial concerns, but I think the fact that your Nursery staff have contacted you about this so early in the time they have had to get to know him, tells a story in itself.
I would wait until you have had the conversation with the SENCo, and ask them where to go from there, as referral processes are different in different areas. Where I work, Nurseries can refer to Paediatricians for frther assessment, and will usually be able to be a lot more specific (and therefore helpful to the Paediatricians) about developmental concerns than GPs are. In different areas of the country though, referral processes are different.

Which parts do you think? Sorry I know you can’t diagnose over the internet but I’ve read about everything I can find.

I’m also worried that because this is his first experience of any formal setting, that he might just be taking time to adjust.

The things the Nursery staff raised,
The racing back and forth in the room all afternoon
the lack of speech at 3+

But I think the fact that Nursery staff, who work with 3 yr olds all day every day, have raised it with you this early on in the year, is probably the biggest pointer.

Thank you for replying. I guess all there is to do is wait.

I do agree that there are some concerns from your brief description of him - the running back and forth and continuous singing of the same song would probably be classified as repetitive behaviour. The functional play that you describe, while a very positive thing, is what you would expect from a much younger child. The speech is not a problem, however it should not stop him from communicating his needs and sharing his interests using gestures (like pointing), arm movements to direct attention and other non-verbal forms of communication. A typical three year old should be able to follow all sort of simple instructions and be able to identify hundreds of objects including colours, numbers, shapes, etc. However it is very difficult to know what is going on, maybe it could just be shyness (hence why they are asking you about if he can do this things at home) and I would certainly first wait to talk to SENCo to see what they think.