Neighbours and ASC children

[namechanging2020]

So we are approximately 10 weeks into lock down now and my children have driven our neighbours mad. My eldest is 8 and diagnosed with ADHD and ASC (we get higher rate care and lower rate mobility dla - just for reference to how much it affects her) and my 2nd eldest, 6, is waiting for CAHMs assessment but I would suspect also ADHD and ASC as actually he is very similar to my eldest. We also have a baby and one more on the way.

Our neighbours have had issues with us since day 1. As not to drip feed her issues are:

We first build a catio in our garden (a fenced area over our patio) as we live on an A road and didn't want our cats to get run over. The neighbour hates this, even though shorter than the existing fence and within our rights to build. She lied to the council and said we had build an outhouse in the garden and they had to come out and inspect it but said it was fine.

Then she reported us to the rspca saying we kept our cats locked up in a cage. They came to visit and when they saw it was a fairly large catio they apologised and said they are great ideas to keep cats from roaming.

Then our one string of Xmas lights in the garden gave her migraines at Xmas and she wanted them taken down.

Then we cut down a climbing plant from our house and she said she enjoyed it and was really annoyed.

Then the children drew on our shed wall in chalk and she complained saying it was unsightly.

We slam our door too loud - we have no internal doors so just the front door she is referring to. We literally use it 2 or 3 times a day and only during day hours. After about 5pm it is shut for good most days.

All of this was prior to the lock down. Now she is super annoyed with our children and her son, a policeman, is also getting angry too. It first started with the children climbing a tree in our garden. No more than 2m of the ground. She says they have touched her fence to climb the tree and when they are in the tree it makes the branches touch her fence which is causing damage. She has taken to filming the children climbing the tree as "evidence" of said damage. She gets annoyed whenever they play outside, she shouts and swears at them to shut up, she refuses to give back balls etc. She has said she will get her son to take legal action with his colleagues as our children are causing her mental health issues and she has a right to quiet in her garden when she is in lock down.

She says the children are unreasonably noisy in the garden and they shouldn't be allowed to play out there most of the day. They do have meltdowns, laugh loudly and sometimes fight and shout at each other, we try and manage this behaviour as best as possible, but she isn't sympathetic to their autism or the fact we can't go anywhere and says we are bad parents who need to control them. Her son came around a few nights ago and said he has been recording the children as proof they are a nusiance and is reporting us to the council for noise and we need to learn to control our children. They are never out there stupidly early and most nights in bed at 8. They also complain about our baby crying.

Do I need to worry? Will the council say our children having meltdowns in the garrden and playing loudly are a noise nuisance. We really do try our best but we both are working from home, I am pregnant and have a baby, so sometime it is a bit like chaos here. Any advice would be great. Sorry for any typos, baby on lap feeding as I try and type!

Sounds like you should complain about her harassing you - getting the council and the RSPCA round FGS!

The only thing I would suggest is can you cut back the branches on the tree a bit so they don't touch her fence?

I'm not sure sounds of your children playing can be counted as noise nuisance, but you could ring up the council yourself, say you are having trouble with your neighbour and ask for advice/reassurance.

Some information here:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/problems-where-you-live/if-your-neighbour-is-complaining-about-you/

Was the son that came round the police officer?

I think you sound like a noisy family, and this would drive a lot of people mad, especially during lockdown.

But unfortunately for her, she has no legitimate complaints that could be enforced legally.

The only thing I could see that your kids are doing 'wrong' is potentially damaging her fence, and kicking their ball into her garden - if you cut the branches to make sure that can't happen, and tell them to keep the ball out of her garden, then I think that's all you can do.

@rawlikesushi

I think you sound like a noisy family, and this would drive a lot of people mad, especially during lockdown.

But unfortunately for her, she has no legitimate complaints that could be enforced legally.

The only thing I could see that your kids are doing 'wrong' is potentially damaging her fence, and kicking their ball into her garden - if you cut the branches to make sure that can't happen, and tell them to keep the ball out of her garden, then I think that's all you can do.

Agree with rawlikesushi....

Had you considered how that squealing might affect your neighbours?... adults can have autism too or HSP, or misophonia -
you don't just "grow out of" these conditions.

Autistic adults have as many rights as an autistic child & should be shown the same consideration.

And.... what if they are studying or working from home?.... pretty hard to concentrate I'd say.

If I lived next to a noisy family during lockdown I'd be furious & would probably look to move.

Sadly (for her) he has no legal rights as even the loudest child constantly screaming is not included in the noise legislation...

I hope this changes in the future & we become more aligned with Australia/USA/Scandinavia where excessive noise cause by children is considered to be an offence under their noise bylaws - because it is well known that neighbour noise can significantly affect our health (mental & physical):

The following is from the 2015 LSE study:

"

"Loud and/or rude neighbours are an under-appreciated cause of misery and, apparently, health problems for many urban residents. Unlike other more visible dwelling characteristics, the presence (or new appearance) of loud neighbours cannot be easily observed or predicted in advance when purchasing or renting a new place to live. Faced with noisy neighbours and unsympathetic regulators, choices are few; beyond constituting a source of stress, we observe large, statistically significant correlations between residential noise exposure and myriad health outcomes. ....................overall we find strong suggestive evidence that residential noise annoyance, especially neighbour noise, is significantly correlated with health. Our results indicate that noise annoyance is associated with increased likelihood of cardiovascular disease through disturbing sleep, higher cholesterol levels, arthritis and other joint and bone disorders, and that loud neighbours is highly related with increased headaches"

Wow, finding some of these comments a little harsh.

I would contact the council re: her constant complaints. If your children are in bed at a decent hour, and are merely playing in their garden I doubt you would fit the criteria above.

I would cut back the branches as suggested and completely ignore her.

By the very nature of a meltdown, your ASC children can't help it. Reasonable people would try to understand this. She sounds like she has made a hobby of complaining about your children to anyone who will listen. Don't let her get to you.