Disagreeing with teacher and SENCO. Need advice!

[Moreheat]

Hi,
First time posting on Mumsnet. Hope I'm doing this correct!
Recently had a parent/teacher consultation about my 5yr old son. (Primary 1). There are no issues with his maths, reading etc but they had a few concerns about his social behaviour. Eg, avoidance of eye contact, not taking instructions, flat speech, difficulty interpreting feelings etc. She even mentioned a.d.d/autism but not to be worried at this stage. How can I not be after hearing that? I am rather concerned as this does not reflect how he behaves at home. In fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. He is affectionate, loud, quiet , shows lots of emotion, has no problems talking to strangers, making friends in playparks etc. Just your average, short tempered 5 year old boy!! He has had a speaking part in his nativity, goes to sport classes and has no issues with sitting in a cinema, on a plane etc. I just can't understand or believe how he can be so different in school?
Has anyone has this issue where they don't agree with the teacher? Any advice on what I should do next? I am sick with worry and really upset I could cry. I cannot stop thinking about what she said. I understand some people might think I'm perhaps ignorant to their comments but I don't want him being easily labelled with something he doesn't have. Thanks in advance!

Firstly, they aren't being labelled. School staff can't diagnose, that needs to be a medical professional (not sure who it would be in Scotland - in my area it would be a Paediatrician, in some other areas in England I believe this is done be CAMHS - but it certainly has to be a medical professional).
The school staff have noticed several things that could be attributed to someone who has autism, and they have a duty to raise their observations.
Now, none of us know your ds, so obviously none of us have any idea about if the school could be mistaken, but they won't raise concerns like that lightly, and of course, between the teacher and the SENCo they will have experience of hundreds of of dc of that age, as opposed to the hadnful of dc of that age you will have known unless you are also a teacher or EYP

It is also very common for dc to be able to do something in one situation and not transfer that skill - that can work both ways, with children doing things in school / Nursery that they don't do at home and children doing things at home that they don't do at Nursery / school. Has your ds been anywhere before going to school ? (Nursery / Playgroups?). Was anything ever mentioned there ?

What I would do, is have a word with the teacher tomorrow, and say you were a bit taken by surprise on parents evening, and you'd like to make a longer appt with her and the SENCo, to discuss their concerns in more detail. Then go to the meeting with an open mind. Perhaps take someone else with you who knows ds as well - your partner or your Mum perhaps. Listen to what they say.
As they talk about things - you can say how odd it is that you've never seen that trait when he is with you, or there might be somethings that you have just seen as 'part of him' and not a concern at all.
But go and talk with the school and ask them what they are suggesting, and then go away and give it some thought.

There is absolutely no reason why a school would suggest something like that, unless they had a considerable concern. There is no benefit to them to be 'looking for' issues.

Thanks for your response. Much appreciated.

I completely understand that the teacher has a duty of care to raise any concerns, and they wouldn't be doing their job right if they didn't. I think it was all just a bit shocking at the time, (for both me and my husband who was also there). I fully appreciate the teacher for telling me and they could not have been nicer in the way they spoke. My ds attended a playgroup and then a nursery school. Neither had any concerns at all about his behaviour.

I think the best thing to do is arrange an appointment to discuss my concerns to see if they can advise further on what my next steps are, if any. I will certainly go with an open mind and listen to what they have to say. I'm sure like all parents, I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see how he interacts in school!!

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my message. Your comments were very helpful.