We're going through difficult times with our eldest child, and have felt for years he may have some form of add.
He is a bright child who is very able but as he's gotten older, we've found him more and more difficult to parent.
He is currently in yr 3 and his teacher is expressing concerns to us and in contact with us regularly. She says he is not confident at school, he isn't the child that started in September (he's withdrawn), won't put his hand up in class or engage in discussion etc. They are doing some 1-2-1 or small group work with him and trying to build confidence. He has massive problems with being scared at night and has started to refuse to go to sleep (for around a year now). The senco at his school is now involved and has arranged talking therapy for him. He has told them some odd stories about why he doesn't sleep at night (most of which are fantasy - told them he has an ill grandma staying over etc)
At home we have enormous issues getting him to do anything he's asked. He uses avoidance in many ways to get out of homework:
Lying on the floor or over the chair rather than on it, pencil doesn't work, sister is annoying me, I'm hot/cold/uncomfortable, I need a drink etc. He cannot focus on any task unless it's interesting to him, so chores homework or even just getting dressed or coming out of school with the right belongings are a daily struggle. Every single day I have to go through his bag at pick up and every day there will be at least one item missing.
He has tantrums at the drop of a hat and will lash out, slam doors, stomp etc and we are having to get him to have a time out to calm down. He is unkind to our dog and although doesn't hurt her he pretends to kick her. He is fine with younger kids but drives his sister crazy at times.
He also shows some sensory issues, likes to wear my soft fluffy cardigans to bed, won't wear trousers even in the freezing cold, refuses to wear a coat etc
Anyway I've had two conversations with people who both have children with add over the last 2 years and it was like a lightbulb moment. Their children showed all the same signs as my son and the most recent conversation I had the lady printed me off some info on inattentive add that I could basically have written myself.
As I'm at the beginning of this journey I have so many questions and I'm not sure where to turn:
1.does this sound like a typical child or should I be looking down this route? As he's my eldest I've no idea what's normal
- My husband does agree that something might not be right but is very reluctant to speak to the gp. He feels our son will be labelled and bullied because of it.
- This seems like a weird question but can they get an assessment wrong? Once we've finally got an assessment they won't just say yes your son has add because we've been through the process? I don't want him wrongfully diagnosed if this is simply a behavioural issue but equally want to be sure of what we're dealing with.
- Once we've been to the gp and get the referral what happens next? I've been advised to see gp first (from a senco lady I work with) as she says they usually try to get you to wait 10 weeks and see if the behaviours change (this has been an ongoing issue since yr 1 for us). I'm hoping to go with some supporting evidence for them , perhaps a written list of all our concerns.
- Can I go without ds? I don't want to take him and sit there listing off negatives about him
i don't want him hearing that we are worried
Thanks in advance and apologies for this enormous post, I'm just very worried and confused at the moment