DS 10 being assessed for ASD soon

[shaddupayouface]

Hi
I wondered if anyone could give me some idea of what to expect during the assessment. DS has been seeing a child psychologist for about a year and she thinks he had Pathological Avoidance Disorder. One of the main issues we have is getting him to do homework, it always ends in a huge tantrum. In agreement with his current school is only completing Maths (which he's good at) and spelling for homework but even this is a challenge. I worry about how we are going to cope when he goes to secondary school. How he'll manage to keep up if he refuses to complete the homework.

Someone once explained to me that children with autism live their lives in boxes. There is a home box and a school box. The home things belong in the home box and the school things belong in the school box. The problems start when you try to put something that belongs in one box into the other. ie homework, which they see as belonging in the school box, into the home box.

Our son was diagnosed with ASD when he was 7. Like you, we always had huge problems with homework.

DS went to a fabulous secondary school and, when I approached them about the problem, they arranged for him to do all his homework (with support) in the lunchtime Homework Club. Problem sorted.

Thanks for your reply. I have wondered about him doing homework club at his current school but it's such a late finish (4.30) that I know he would complain about this. I like the box analogy. Makes total sense. How have you found revising for exams?

Shadd ds is 15 and only recently diagnosed with ASD. He seemed to manage the homework at primary but once he started secondary we had quite a few problems getting him to do it.

Like Ellie said he couldn't understand the need to bring work from his school life into his home situation.

Last year he dropped a gcse so had some free periods and really liked getting homework done in them. This year he has to do intervention in his free periods so homework is back to being done at home.

He still hates it but he is completing his homework. Revision though, that's a different matter. Absolutely nothing getting done at all at the moment. He can't understand the point of it. Gcses start in May!

I forgot to say it was our older Ds (not autistic) that used to throw huge tantrums about homework at primary. Even in year 6 he just couldn't cope and would rip his homework up and throw it around the room. It turned out he had undiagnosed dyslexia.

He seemed to settle at secondary and got some extra support in year 7 and by the time it came to his gcses he was an expert at studying.

It's funny how things work out because I would have said he would have been the one to cause us lots of anxiety and stress and in actual fact it is his quiet younger brother that has caused us so much worry!

Thankfully, DS did all his revision at school too. But as he only did about 5 subjects, this was manageable.

Ds has brought home his exam timetable for the summer today. He has 26 exams and that's with dropping a gcse.

Goodness only knows if and when I will get him to do any revision. I don't know about Ds but I'm dreading it!

DD had her assessment about 11 months ago. She had two psychiatrists testing her, with general conversation and her ability to make a story based on a kids' book and some toys - the tests tend to aim at younger kids, especially boys, so she found it odd as she's older. It didn't matter - she "failed"" in the right way to get a diagnosis. Tbh they asked me how I felt she was and I said truthfully that I felt she was a bit more forthcoming than normal!

Knowing is everything, but there will be a mountain of work ahead to get the sort of support your DS will need. If he's reached age 10 before testing, then it won't be obvious what help is needed and he should get it before he starts secondary and that's critical. My dd wasn't so lucky - as one of the testers said, the boys usually get tested because of odd behaviour, the girls come with anxiety and depression that doesn't respond to anything it should, because no one is helping them and they don't feel they can ask

That's for all your replies. I dread the thought of him starting secondary school just because I know he will struggle with the whole organising and motivating yourself. Part of his condition means he's quite manipulative and will try his best to get me involved in all the basic everyday rituals like brushing his teeth and getting dressed. He's in a prep school at the moment and whilst his Form Tutor is lovely, the other teaching staff, particularly the games staff, just don't understand how hard he finds getting through the school day, having to be compliant and following rules. He manages to put on a brave face in school he gets home it's just an endless tirade of how unfair everything is. I try so hard to not be 'that parent' and most people would probably think I'm making a fuss about nothing and I should get him to toughen up, but I just find most schools just don't know how to cope with mental health issues and ASD.

If he is getting so stressed out shad, clearly the school is not meeting his needs. Does he have any support in school?

I think shadd it's difficult when schools think that a child is 'fine'. Ds has to come in and shut himself away from the world after school. He almost has to de-people. If he doesn't get his down time it all gets too much.

I don't think anyone at school realises how much effort it takes him at times just to get through the school day. I often feel the same as you and I think most people would say that I'm making a fuss about nothing as his needs are not as profound as some.

Would your Ds respond to any kind of list/timetable for doing his teeth etc?

Ds has a whiteboard for the week and anything that he has to do over and above school goes on there, Dentist appointment etc. Although I have known him to rub things off it before when he doesn't want to do it! He does lack motivation for most things but I do think that is at times connected to his low mood.

I think some schools understand better than others. When a school is not supportive it can have a really negative impact on a child.

I think because he is academically able and doesn't appear to be problematic the school just don't get it, or at least think he's coping so why intervene. He's had an awful week, on Monday one of the games teachers made him cry by telling him off for messing about with one of the other boys when they were lining up. He was so angry when I picked him up from school that day. Ever since he has even waking me up at 4am and telling me he feels sick (he hasn't been sick so I think it's a mental rather than physical manifestation of his anguish). I am fed up of asking the games staff to take into consideration his anxieties. He's not naturally sporty or competitive and being a prep school it's quite traditional in pushing sporting prowess as a sign of superiority. I'm not asking them to let him off if he's done something wrong but he's obviously not one of the troublemakers in the class. I'd like them to come home and see how their actions affect him and maybe then they'd realise what it's like for someone who has trouble following demands all day long. I'm really worried about his mental health, he continually asks me "why me"? I think I should book an apt with our GP on Monday just to make sure there's nothing physical causing the feeling of sickness in the morning and take it from there. Thank you for being so supportive. I feel like no one really understands.

Shadd it is hard 💐. Ds has also had significant mental health issues over the last 18 months. I've struggled to get any support for him. Our gp referred him to CAMHS in December but they rejected his referral saying he didn't meet the criteria. In our area they won't see autistic young people.

I can understand the whole PE thing too. Ds attends a state grammar and it's very rugby orientated. The PE teachers are a law unto themselves too.

It is difficult and the complete lack of support out there is awful.

I think though if you can find the right secondary then he can be supported and do well. You are already have a good understanding of your Ds so that's a positive. With my Ds we had no idea that he would get an ASD diagnosis when he started secondary, if we had we would not have sent him to the school we did.

Good luck with the gp.