DS and I both struggling

[fourlegstwolegs]

I have a kind, bright DS (7) who, since he started school, has been having issues focusing, social interaction (not great at taking other children's views/wishes into account), very over-sensitive etc. When he started Reception his teacher told me 4 weeks in to his very first term that she thought he had ADHD. This was a total shock to me as he's my first child and I had no idea what was or was not normal.
Anyway, 2.5 yrs later we are still on the waiting list for an NHS assessment. His current teacher is not very empathetic and he says "he gets told off the most" and that sometimes he feels so sad about being told off all the time that he never wants to go back to school. He is not disruptive, just wriggles/fidgets all the time and really struggles to stay on task. Lives in his own world a lot of the time, oblivious to his surroundings.
I am so tired and stressed - I really feel for him but I do not know what to do. We took him to an awful child psych who told me after 30 min "just put him on Ritalin" (he was 5 at the time!!) without even a formal assessment, so now I am really wary of who to go to or what to do.
But waiting all this time for any kind of diagnosis, while he struggles at school, is not working either. I am seeing the Senco and his teacher next week, but feeling very defeated, bewildered and sad.

I think it is always helpful when the school and the parents "see" the same child. It gives you a good starting point.
At the meeting, you will be able to ask the SENCo what it is the school are able to do to help him.
Clearly he isn't happy, clearly the teacher isn't happy, so what strategies can the SENCo suggest to make life easier for everyone.
Having a diagnosis or not doesn't make him a different child, but trying to differentiate, and make adjustments for him could have a significant impact.

From my own experience, I would if I were you not let it grind you down. These times pass. It appears as if you're not getting much support from anywhere which makes it hard. What is he like outside of school, and does he mix with other children much out of school?

We have just had a diagnosis of ADHD for our 9 year old - year 5 - DS. I couldn't believe that I had not seen the signs and that school did not flag but explains 99% of everything to me now. We did not go NHS. If you can afford it, go private. We were seen quickly and the psych was amazing with him. He has an NHS practice at GOSH so he's extremely experienced. It wasn't as expensive as I expected (assessment was £400). He is on medication now (only in the last couple of days so too early to tell if it's helping BUT he did do his homework with no fuss this morning! Never happens...). If you want details please do PM me. I was at breaking point.

@EngagedAgain he's very similar outside school, but without the tummy aches. He loves playing with his sister and his cousins, but doesn't see his school friends much outside school. We spend a lot of time outdoors which he really enjoys.

@BackforGood that's an excellent way of describing it - we definitely don't see the same child. Meeting booked

@MtnBikeChick thank you - I will message you

That's good he spends time with children outside school and outdoor activities, which lets off steam, and without the tummy ache suggests he's happy and relaxed. You sound like a great mum and doing all you can. I do hope you soon make some progress with the school.