HELP advice on SS

[Dis19]

I have a step son who is 9. We are currently getting answers for autism.
On a daily basis I get screamed at telling me he is going to kill me, force me out of my home, he will push me down the stairs, I should go kill myself, he has been violent towards me normally hitting, punching, kicking and throwing things the most recent is he bite me. He has also been aggressive to our pet and now she stays away from him. I have been signed off work for 8 months now with depression and anxiety. We have a family support worker and a social worker after I was falsely accused of abuse which I was completely cleared of and neither of them know what to do with him and our family. Me and his dad are at breaking point because neither of us can cope with his behaviour anymore but we don't know what to do. We have tried and are trying many things for autism but nothing seems to work or make the slightest bit of difference. A similar thing happened to his dad previous partner but he was alot younger so we are pretty sure it cant just be me and he has been diagnosed with SAD (severe attachment disorder) The majority of his family are not helpful and ignore what we say most of the time which of course doesn't help when we are trying to stick to a routine and they will happily put the blame on me which then makes me look even worse in his eyes. This is not bashing anyone just a realistic view on what our situation is actually like and no point asking for help if you sugar coat everything.
Please does anyone have any advice or has dealt with something like this.

Have you tried talking to the GP? Maybe some medication would calm him down.

What is he like at school? Do you think they are meeting his needs?

Gp will not do anything they say he is "one of those kids" he very rarely plays up at school he is obsessed with school, CAHMS gave us a diagnosis and then discharged him the same day and went have him back and they referred us to get a support worker which we still have he does not know what to do, there was a situation that I was falsely accused of child abuse by my SS (he lies about alot of stuff for attention and becuase we don't think he understands how bad it actually is as it doesn't effect him) so now we also have a social worker who cleared me of all accusations and neither of them have a clue and cant offer us anything

What support are you receiving as a family for the AD? Is DS receiving any interventions? Are you receiving any respite?

Have you/DS' Dad had a carer's assessment? And DS an assessment via the Disabled Children's Team?

It can be common for children to appear to cope well at school but fall apart at home. It doesn't always mean all is well at school, just that the DC can hold it together there.

Agree with 10brokengreenbottles. He may give the appearance of coping at school, but is actually masking, and not coping at all, and then all hell breaks loose when he gets home.

Our son was like this at a similar age. I now realise it was because he didn't have enough support at school.

Would you recommend getting SS to speak to them they just fob us off, we gave only ha autism assesment other tyen that nothing

Yes, if you think you need support with speaking to the school ask if your SW or FSW will help you. You could also ask about an advocate. IPSEA and SOSSEN also have advice lines.

You could ask your GP to ask your local CAMHS about referring you to a specialist CAMHS attachment service if the local CAMHS don't know/can't provide any further support, or some services will accept referrals from SS.

Push social care for assessments for you and DS to try to get some respite care.