8 yr ds is struggling

[Tothinkheisabitofa]

Hi all
I have been advised to post here regards to ds. He is 8 and is on the gifted regisrer at school but it is clear that he is socially lacks. He has friends and would say he is one of the popular ones at school as in I think he is loud and smart and likes to be part of things and win at most things. He has always been very inquisitive and always very eager to answer however his teacher has picked up that he lacks of social awareness and he struggles to takes others into account. He doesn't majorly struggles at school, however at home it's another story. He is one 4 boys. He very much relies on me to talk him through situations as he gets very nervous about simple things coming up such as arriving to school a bit later than normal where everyone would notice him. Other huge issue is social interaction when we have visitors. For example today we had relatives come over and were just all sitting in the living room talking. As I went out to put the kettle on, he came after and told me that he is very uncomfortable which I thought was brilliant as before he would just go into a silly mode making silly noises or irritate one of his brothers which then end up in fighting. So I gave him a job of taking a drink in which he did however he got a bit close a baby with it so a couple of the adults told him how careful he should be well this was completely devastating for him and he thought it was the end of the world and ran upstairs crying and could not face coming down again.eventually I managed to get him to come downstairs but if I agreed to play with him so that way he managed to get involved again.
Then this evening I set up a few games to play just with his brothers but he had an absolutely melt down half way the game over something very small. I feel it's time we treated him slightly differently as his behaviour constantly divides the family and we are at the end of our patience.
His dad thinks he has had undiagnosed aspergers all his life. I struggle to find similarities tho as he is very introvert which I can't say about ds. Any ideas please where to start looking into what this might be or what parental tools i can use to deal with him better

The behaviours you describe do sound consistent with High Functioning Autism (Asperger’s) and perhaps it would be worth exploring an assessment for him. The school senco should be able to start this process and if not your GP.
In the meantime, things that may help him- autism or not- that I can suggest would be to set up a timetable/calendar with him so that he has time to prepare for events or changes to his usual routines. E.g. birthdays, parties, social events. You may also want to think about reducing the expectations for those kind of events. Maybe start to keep some notes on what you notice about him in terms of his difficulties and then look at what triggers those things. There is a wealth of info online about HFA. Wish you luck, I bet he is an amazing boy and he sounds very sensitive and aware.

Ask the GP to be referred for an ASD assessment. In some areas this is via CAMHS and in others it's via community paediatrics.

What are school doing to support DS?

You don't need a diagnosis though to use strategies that will meet your DS' needs and help him. Things like social stories and a visual timetable may help.

Being fair doesn't mean treating everyone the same. Fairness is meeting everyone's needs. Equality and equity are not the same.

Thanks bot. yes I went to the gp today who was very helpful and told me he would put a referral through and just asked me to drop off a letter listing what we think his behaviour struggles are. So I did and now just wait.
10brokenbottles that sounds very true and I will have to keep reminding ourselves to it.
Today has been a lot calmer day in our house.Dp has made a huge effort with ds2 hence ds2's problems never escalated very far. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for some having to deal with something they have always struggled their whole life

There is some good information here on the various diagnoses across the Autism Spectrum (including Aspergers, PDA, etc.), which you might find helpful.

www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/criteria-changes.aspx

Contact healios they are taking over autism and ADHD from the NHS I rang up at the beginning of December to get out on the waiting list and we will have our appointments and results by middle of February and they are extremely nice and supportive

Who is Healios?

I've just looked them up. They appear to offer an online diagnostic service. Surely the NHS is not outsourcing online diagnostics of ASD and ADHD. Or am I jumping to conclusions....?

Not jumping to conclusions, some CCGs have commissioned Healios to carry out assessments. So far I've only heard of people being given a choice over whether to stay on CAMHS' list or have a Healios assessment.

Great, link thanks Violets.
Ds has actually been ok for the last week or so. Does anyone know if autism it's possible to have ok periods or if he has the condition it would always be noticable? Sometimes he crosses challenges he would struggle other days that it makes me wonder if he has it or just certain traits

Yes, it is possible to sometimes appear to be able to cope and other times not. Though, doesn't always mean things are OK, just that they have the ability to mask.

Some environments, support and events are more conducive to people, with and without ASD, coping.