Talking to cousins about autism

[KnowBetterDoBetter]

My DSis told me today that DD(4) was playing hide and seek with her on Christmas Day, and when my DN(3) pulled off the covers and my sister said oh look, DN found you - my DD said 'no, I want to play with a real human'. And when my DSis said that he was a real human, she said 'no, a real human that talks'.

This obviously really upset her, and has really upset me too. DN is non verbal, and has autism. We've spoke before about how kids are quicker at learning at different things, and about how DN is brilliant at running and jumping, same as she is very good at xyz, and wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same etc etc. But she hasn't mentioned it for a while, so I haven't either. I thought she'd just internalised it and didn't question it anymore. Her nursery used to say how good she was at including a boy in her class with autism too

So my sister has just said to maybe explain that he has autism. Which I'm going to do. But I just wondered if anybody had any experience in how best to go about this - and particularly, any good books that we could read together?

Please no flaming, I'm really upset and want to fix this. She isn't a bad kid, and always tries to interact with him. It's just the dehumanising language that she used that's really upsetting.

Hi op,

Important to remember that your dd is only 4. We've had similar many times, ds is 10 and non verbal. All that is required is a little education. Sesame street has a character called julie who has autism. There are a number of video's on youtube which may be helpful in explaining autism involving this character. They have also introduced a communication aid for this character. You could also show her some videos of people communicating in different ways to her. Sign language, makaton, pecs, aac apps (my son communicates via an ipad speech app). There is also a book sesame street We're amazing 123 which may also be helpful. The cbeebies show Pablo is about a character who has autism. You basically want to highlight that some people do things differently to her and she should always be kind to everyone. I wouldn't dwell, again she's only 4.

Yes, I second Pablo on CBeebies, it is excellent. Also saying DN has autism, this means he finds some things more difficult like....but he is also fantastic at XYZ..
I do think naming the condition helps. But at 4, she is still very little, so try not to feel bad about this

Yes to pablo. It really helped my dd understand her brothers. It also helped them understand themselves. I also have a book called 'I see things differently' which is good but maybe a year or so older ? I have a kindle book called 'hes not naughty' which is also very good when they are a bit older. I'm really struggling getting people to understand my very verbal and excellent at masking 7 year olds who present as NT but are very delayed in their emotional maturity so react like a 4 yr old.

Thank you everyone for your posts! I'll get her to look at Pablo - have seen it on iPlayer before but we've never watched it or knew what it was about.

I've ordered a book called Aurora's gift, about a non verbal little girl with autism, that I think will help.

We had a good chat last night and I think (hope) she understands a little bit more now. Will reinforce with the book and Pablo, and keep an eye on the relationship between her and my DN, and maintain ongoing dialogue re it. She's a good kid really and now I've explained stuff to her, she says that she will be his best friend forever, and will always be there to play if he wants to. I'm sure a lot of it is just said to please me, but I think that's where a lot of traits come from when you're four (having good manners etc. - are they really thankful, or just want to please others)? We'll see, but fingers crossed.

Thanks again for all of the advice, and for not flaming me/ us.