Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this...

[Busybuzzbee]

My DS is 4 soon to be 5, he will start full time in Sept.
He's under EP, SALT, inclusion officer, school nurse, health visitor, you name it.
SENCO believes he has ASD (his eldest brother has it, my brother has it, my father etc etc) I also believe there is an element of Pathological Demand Avoidance going on in him (his brother has severe sensory issues plus ADHD and dyspraxia).
They are polar points apart, complete opposites of the spectrum, which is a challenge! But with my eldest I managed to potty train him at just before 2 (don't ask me how! I think it was an evangelical mystery moment...everything just 'clicked', however he still has major sensory issues in that department BUT at least he's dry throughout the day).
Back to my youngest...he isn't potty trained, has NEVER shown an interest, doesn't know when he is going to need it, is 'disgusted' by poo yet doesn't want me to change his nappy when he has pooed!?! There are just no signals.
We've tried everything; special potty/toilet seat, special pants, sticker chart, prizes, devoted time to staying at home, constantly asking him 'do you need a pee/poo?', sitting him on the toilet/potty to get used to it, books, everything.
His SENCO is brilliant and has monitored him all through nursery to back up my claims he shows no interest...he basically uses the toilet area to hide from parents as he's very anxious around 'not safe' ppl.

I just want some positive stories from you guys, are you in the same position? Have you been in the same position and it all worked out? If so, when? How did it come about? Did you have to get anyone else involved?
He'll have a 1:1 from September, he's had one all through nursery, BUT SENCO has told me they want to mix up his 1:1 as they feel he's become to dependent on his 'safe' 1:1...I KNOW this isn't going to go down well and I think he'll regress has he has done before with walking and speech.

Apologies for long post 😟

Does he have an EHCP? If so, you need it to specify that his 1:1 is consistent and dedicated to him.

Tonnerre...no EHCP yet, my eldest has one, and SENco is gathering enough evidence for my youngest as the EP said we need more cycles of evidence.
I'm more concerned over his lack of interest in wanting to use any thing other than nappies, he shows no interest, his lack of social awareness means he won't feel obligated via peer pressure either.
I'm hoping others have had success stories, I think the PDA is playing a big part.

You really don't need more cycles of evidence. For the first stage of applying for an EHCP, all you need to show is that your child has or may have SEN, and that he may need support through an EHCP. If the school accepts he needs a 1:1 full time, that's close to cast iron evidence. If the SENCO's been monitoring him all through nursery, I strongly suspect she has more than enough evidence.

Don't pressure over nappies and toilet needs he will do it when he's ready and give u the signs no matter what age he is, as you know a person with ASD are delayed in development, my toddler is 4 and starting a special school I. Sept with EHCP, do the nursery do a development age report, it helps with EHCP u need to get the ball rolling on this if they haven't done already, you can set this up yourself and let the nursery add their own report, he won't b able to start school anyway if not out of nappies, the inconenace team can help, do urself a diary it helps so much, if u need help pm me, are you seeing a paediatrician for ur child? To diagnose and assess autism? Seriously don't worry about potty training etc if they not ready they not rdy simple as that, a child with needs will take longer, my lil man been mute and only just started talking, a more relaxed approach is best Dnt feel pressured by anyone u know ur child best x