6 yo dd and suspected autism/adhd

[durdledoo]

I'm at my wits end with school and I really don't have much hope for my dd's 3rd year their being much better.
Since the age of 2 both we and several professionals have suspected their is something going on with our daughter. She's a loving, caring and enthusiastic little girl who expresses much care for those around her most of the time, however she has always been incredibly overactive. As a toddler it was perhaps easier to ignore but as she's growing things aren't really changing. She is constantly climbing, rolling around everywhere and is very loud. She often gets very distressed at discos and soft play as can't seem to cope with lots of different noises going on all around her, I suspect she gets overwhelmed.
Drs and consultants have discussed and observed her overbearing behaviour, social boundary issues and inability to have proper back and forth conversation.
We've always been aware that she most probably has sensory issues, from certain clothes upsetting her to being too roughy when displaying affection (hugs and kisses you on the cheek very very hard)
Now we have dd2 (19 months) we've struggled massively controlling dd1's impulsive behaviour, no matter how many tines she's asked and disciplined for suddenly grabbing her sister and picking her up, spinning her around and generally invading her space this still continues.
During reception her teacher filled in a form for the consultant and did mention concentration issues.
Year 2 teacher knew nothing about our daughters suspected autism/ adhd until we spoke at parents evening. Said teacher then told us she didn't see any of that before infringing is of our daughters lack of general concentration and inability to sit still (clearly very unaware of symptoms of adhd at least!)
This teacher then left for a short time and we went to see the consultant again, another form being sent out and her new teacher told us she understands where we are coming from and that she does recognise a lot of autistic/ adhd traits in our daughter!

Anyway; this morning we are called into school and informed by the "personal care" woman at our daughters school that whilst playing she has climbed on top of a young boy and "rubbed herself all over him" before getting off and flashing her knickers. I of course am absolutely devastated by this and surprised that she has done this! She regularly "humps" the sofa etc and is asked every time to stop and go and do that in private if she feels the need but I cannot believe she's done this at school. What concerns me more is this lady went on to ask if our daughter had been exposed to sexualised behaviour and had no idea of our daughters ongoing observations from consultants for the past 4 years and had no idea autism/ adhd was expected.
I fully accept that her flashing her knickers was straight up naughtiness and I can totally imagine her thinking that's a hilarious thing to do, she's at the stage where toilet humour is considered funny. However I genuinely think the other display of inappropriate behaviour stems from sensory seeking & impulsive behaviour, it's not an excuse but I do think it's the reason!
I am so cross about the lack of communication and that this form was sent to them 8 weeks ago and they've not filled it in!
This has turned into a rant but I'm just so upset this incident has occurred and the professionals have no idea of our daughters issues.
Any tips on how to get through to the school?
Thanks in Advance!

I didn't want to read and pass as I can imagine how upsetting this might be. I am sure others will have more sound advice.

If I were you I'd be calling a meeting with the head ASAP. She's clearly not coping and you have done everything you can to try and get things moving - the school MUST fulfil their obligations too.

My son is nearly 6 - we have an ADHD diagnosis (which was a private consultation) and the NHS paed has referred him for an autism assessment as she feels there's more going on. Lots of similar behaviours and the one thing I've learnt is that anxiety/insecurity can often lead to more bonkers behaviour. So even when you're feeling mega cross, try as hard as you can not to make her feel any more shit. If she's anything like my son, she'll probably know that she's done something wrong, but won't know why. And even if she does know, she'll feel embarrassed/cross with herself that she couldn't control her impulses.

I feel cross at the school on your behalf; it's hard enough parenting a child who's different, without them adding to your stress by not supporting you with seeking a diagnosis and then the support.

Good luck xxx

I would request an urgent meeting with the SENCO, before you break up, and ask them why they haven't filled in the form.
Why they aren't communicating with one another and joining the dots - particularly about the sensory seeking behaviour.
I would ask them what support they are putting in to meet her needs.
I would ask them what transition arrangements have been put in so her new teacher in September is aware of her needs.
I would also take a epn and paper and make it obvious I was taking minutes during the meeting, because it does sound like they are somewhat lacking in communication between one another.

I can see this was a few weeks ago, curious how you're getting on OP.

My dc is 6 and has shown some of the behaviours you mention.

Information and communication is your best weapon here. Ask for a meeting with the SENCO and Headteacher and Class teacher asap if you haven't already