New to this, first school meeting help!

[NewtoHolland]

Hi,
My lovely daughter has some kind of SEN I think its likely to be ADHD but the school haven't used a label yet. She goes to a really great school and I'm lucky that the teachers have been supportive and helpful in identifying challenges with her attention regulation and getting support from.the SENCO introducing some sensory toys for fiddling etc.
I've always felt there were some possible special needs, DD has always found it quite tricky to soothe, and until 4 years had very disordered sleep, some of her behaviours are quite 'intrusive' and shes always used language in a but if a quirky way, very long monologues, like a continuous narration of what she's doing, used to do a lot of nonsense questioning but this has seemed to reduce. She has a few sensory behaviours chewing on her clothes, she is quite a snotty little person and eats/plays with her snot, makes throat clearing noises alot. She is also very caring and wonderfully mischievious. Nursery never raised any concerns and my husband has always told me that it's all in my head and made out that I almost want there to be something wrong so I didn't raise the concerns with school or nursery.
I feel like I've let her down.
I've asked for a meeting with school and what I think I'd like to ask about is 1, what can I do to help her at school and home. 2, Could she have an educational psychologist review?
What else should I ask?
I notice her struggling a bit more with friendships lately, she wants to be a good friend but struggles to share, or if she can't win a race or game. I'm also worried about the low mood and anxiety associated with ADHD.
I love DD so much and I know she is who she's meant to be with her amazing hyperfocus superpowers, her fierce love and the things she finds tough. I just want to make sure I do all I can to help her for now and the future.
thanks for reading my waffle! Any advice much appreciated :)

Any advice would be so appreciated.

Anyone have any tips on feeling quite anxious about making sure i make the most of the teachers time.

Hi @NewtoHolland I'm glad your DD is at a great school, it makes all the difference to feel supported. I am in a similar situation with my son, we are on a waiting list for assessment for ADHD and Autism and have met with SENCO to discuss how school can help. If you have any pressing concerns mention them but otherwise I would ask how she is in school - I have found DS to be very different in school than he is at home. Then SENCO will most likely have ideas about how to help your DD, they have loads of great tools and cam up with stuff for us I would never have thought of. Also may be a bit of trial and error involved but you can always have a follow up meeting, if not with SENCO then at least the teacher. My sons teacher is so supportive and always asking how things are going and we often tweak things. She is also so kind when things are rough at home and the communication helps both of us understand DS better!

First, you haven’t let her down. I’m not sure how old she is but it’s so common (and arguably advisable for some children) to hold off on making assumptions about SEN when they are little.

When you go into school, I would also ask whether they are able to access support from an OT. They can help make suggestions for sensory input in order to help.

Have they referred her to the Community Paediatricians? It’s not the place of the school to diagnose ADHD, this needs to be a medical professional.

Thanks for your replies and advice. The school have been very careful not to use any label/diagnosis which is good but from their description of her symptoms I think we are likely to be looking at ADHD. They've advised me to get a referral to community Paediatrics through the GP so I've got an appointment coming up. I will ask about access to an OT, I dont think they do from what they've said so far, but I'd love her to have access to OT expertise and support. I just want to do anything I can to make sure she has the right help at the right time. I'm worried that the amount of time sitting and concentrating in year one is going to be extremely hard for her to manage.

As I have started this process and currently going through it. Makesure you start collecting everything all paperwork and evidence. I also suggest you have trail of correspondence with the school so if things don’t go to plan you have everything documented. Also ask for the minutes from the meeting and good luck. I hope you have a positive experience with the schoot

Thank you, the school are fab, I trust them. We chat face to face but they give me copies of referral letters etc which I will keep. We share the same concerns which helps. I'm just not always great at communication..I am quite anxious and can't always organise my thoughts well when I try to talk about it all. Its stressful. I hope you're well supported by your school.