Mum gathering 'evidence'

[HammerToFall]

My daughter aged 10 in year six is adopted and has attachment disorder and dissociation. She is known to have meltdowns in the class and really struggles to deal with falling out with friends as it's a big rejection for her that triggers her feelings of shame. She was previously in a specialist pod which has now been closed due to finding and has been transitioned back into the main classroom.

She keeps falling
Out with the other girls as all girls if that age do, when they do it is the end of the world for her. She often dissociates and ends up tipping over tables etc in the classroom.

Most of the other girls mums have banned them from playing with her, however the SENCO has rang me today to say one of the mums has text the other mums to gather evidence of all the bad things she has done in class and to the other kids so can petition the school to have her isolated from the rest of class.

I totally get parents protecting their children and they don't want their kids seeing some of the stuff she does but god have a heart. She took a pair of scissors to her wrists in class the other day as she couldn't cope with them all falling out. This isn't being naughty this is a child with real mental health issues.

Mainstream secondary is named on EHCP as she doesn't meet the criteria for alternative education. This is just going to get worse and worse isn't it.

I am struggling with words on this - incredibly distressing for you and your daughter.

what are the criteria for alternative provision - is this what you would prefer for her - can you get the senco on side to fight, figh, fight and evidence her needs.

@grasspigeons we only have a severe special
School or PRU. nothing that deals with emotional difficulties. I'd really like her to try mainstream, it will be a fresh start for her as she is going to a catholic school and none of the kids from her primary are going there. We had to move her from catholic primary aged 7 to the specialist pod as she was struggling even then.

I have text the various mothers and tried to explain attachment and dissociation and that she isn't consciously deciding to do these things but they can't have their perfect neuro typical children witnesses such atrocities (never mind the atrocities she has had to live through!).

Don't understand the mentality of some people. I'm not daft I get that it's not nice for children to have the disruption in class and she is very full on but she's entitled to an education same as them!

you must feel very hurt by the other mums. bit of pack mentality going on there.

if you like the mainstream fresh start then i guess focus as much on you can as getting the right help in place in school. I don't know much about attachment disorder other than it can look a bit like ASD so schools do asd strategies but these aren't always the right ones as the cause is different.

@grasspigeons luckily the school
She is going to is very attachment aware and use therapeutic practices. I have a son with the same diagnosis at the school in year 8 so know firsthand how they approach this. It is an outstanding school in a city of adequate school so most of the LAC and PLAC go there so they are very aware.

She will reunite with friends there that she has been friends with since nursery and still has a good relationship worth so they are very accepting of her so I'm hoping things work out well, although I am petrified that the pressures of senior school will make her issues at school even worse. I guess I'm approaching with a suck it and see attitude.

A different way of looking at this - when my son was failing at mainstream, the other parents kept complaining, but I was happy for them to do so, as my son clearly was not coping and needed to go to a special school - I explained this to the other parents - it was not fair on my son and it was not fair on their children either.

The school you are aiming for sounds great, but it wouldn't harm to use this as evidence that she needs more support - you could do a subject access request for all her info from school and the LA and use this to get her more support - one to one support, therapy, extra tuition, a designated quiet room for her to retreat to if things get too bad - I think you will know what can make things easier for her. And a good transition package.
In addition, this could be used as evidence to push for a shorter week/shorter day right now, if you think that would help and is appropriate - using the freed time to access extra therapy? I put my son on a reduced day, before we got out of mainstream - he needed it for his mental health.

Your daughter needs extra help and I don't know enough about attachment difficulties to suggest what that might be, but her difficulties at school and the impact they are having on her AND the other children is strong evidence to fight for that help.

My son has a friend who is fostered and it has really opened up my eyes to what can happen to neglected/abused children and of course I already know the SEN world - many parents do not have a clue and won't even begin to understand the political aspects of the SEN world and the impact of all the cutbacks and thus reduced support and closures of provision. Not excusing their lack of sympathy and understanding.

Hope things go better when she moves school/x