Copying this to Secondary Education too.
I'm diagnosed autistic. DS 9yo, year 5, no diagnosis but some behavioural issues. Currently waiting to be assessed for possible ADHD, ASD, anxiety disorder or PDA but he's not an "obviously ticks all the boxes" case for any of these. He is very bright, especially loves maths and is doing reasonably well in a mainstream local state primary school. His issues are mainly exhibited at home and outside school hours (I understand this isn't unusual, with many kids finding they can hold it together for 6 hours a day in primary school at least).
We think that he will thrive best at secondary school with the smaller class sizes of private school and fortunately we can just about manage the fees for this (we live in a tiny house in a grotty area, could afford to trade up but are keeping back the spare income that could go into a better house as education seems more important)
The school that most appeals is Bristol Grammar School. I was hoping to find a mumsnetter with experience of BGS and neurodiversity. I honestly don't know how things will develop over the duration of senior school and it might be that whatever his issues, he manages to thrive and be a credit to the school as he certainly has potential to. Equally it's possible that the issues could get worse as academic challenges increase and obviously we will need a school that helps and encourages rather than criticises and censures.
The other option we could consider is Sidcot School which I am more confident would have a good attitude to Neurodiversity. However, aside from the massive commute, I also have a suspicion that he would get away with more demand-avoidance there, which won't be in his best interests as he certainly has the potential to get some excellent academic results with the right support.
If we go for BGS I will need to do some careful preparation with him to get him ready for the entrance exams. I don't doubt he could do well enough to get a place, except that he might freeze and refuse to pick up the pen at all of he gets overwhelmed. I don't know how to approach this at all. The school doesn't release past papers because they want to discourage tutoring to the test, which I generally approve of, but it means I have less chance of successfully preparing him for the day when the time comes.
Any advice or experience will be very gratefully received.