My 4.5 yr old DD has been identified by the paediatrician as having sensory processing issues and there was an Autism Spectrum Disorder chart on the letter sent to the GP that I got sent a copy of, showing that she had some scores for ASD but they seemed low... but I don't know if I was interpreting the chart correctly.
But either way I don't think she has many features of autism spectrum disorders - maybe a few things but nothing that stands out as any one clear thing. She seems to have some proprioceptive difficulties ie. doing things too hard / spatial awareness/clumsiness and she is prone to repetitive loops of things sometimes/ meltdowns if things don't happen exactly as she was expecting or if she is interrupted doing something/something is moved in the house.
I do think she has clear sensory processing issues and they are affecting her getting dressed, wearing certain clothes, noises and bright lights and unfamiliar routines or places/people cause anxiety. She also has really bad night terrors at times.
We have been invited to go to a Sensory Information Group to get strategies to help her as parents & I think she would benefit from some Occupational Therapy to help with her sensory integration.
The problem is that her Dad (who I am separated from since she was 1 year old) doesn't think that she has any difficulties outside the norm, although he does agree that he has witnessed some of the same things as I have. He has even gone and bought her sensory socks with no seams etc but he said he doesn't want to "put her through" Occupational Therapy, as if it's some awful thing that will traumatise her or knock her confidence. He said I was being overly negative about her (even though it would have been pointless for me to also list all the ways she is thriving and all her above average abilities...because the topic we were discussing was the things she was struggling with).
He seems to insinuate at every turn that somehow I am just being anxious and I am sending her the wrong messages - that there is something wrong with her and he is blaming me for certain things. I have observed that the sensory issues became more noticeable and acute when she started going overnight to him again and I think she has been stressed from this huge change.
She also has said she doesn't want her Dad to get her dressed and she has started to say she doesn't want to go to his house because she has described him being very rough and in my opinion abusive to her when losing his temper when she's been difficult to get dressed due to her sensory meltdowns - which he is also denying that she has).
One minute he says he has no difficulties with her, the next he says he is always calm and gentle even though getting her dressed is frustrating.
He was verbally, physically and psychologically abusive to me in the relationship which is why I left him. Apparently not badly enough though for CAFCASS to limit contact in any way. They recommended shared care when he took me to court. So now I am sharing parenting with him but I think he is losing his temper with her regularly and she says he is frightening her and she feels insecure being with him on her own. Social Care Child Services won't investigate as they say maybe her sensory issues are causing her to perceive something as rough when it's not/they said it's not quite reaching their threshold as being at risk of "significant harm". I would argue though that a child with perhaps special needs who is having a parent who is regularly denying their needs and in fact actually making their issues worse by being violent to them causing more trauma, is significant harm.
He is also saying he doesn't think it's appropriate to attend the Sensory Information Group, that we don't need to get professionals involved as he doesn't think she has sensory issues , that it's behavioural in his mind. (Not what the paediatrician said).
But he looks after her nearly half the time ! So how am I supposed to navigate co-parenting with him, in these circumstances and when she keeps saying she does not want to be on her own being looked after by him /gotten dressed by him. Surely shared care can't work/isn't serving the child when only one parent will accept that she has sensory issues and take steps to support her through the healthcare providers ?