New to ADHD - some questions if anyone can help...?

[OlennasWimple]

Sorry for the multi-part post, but it's recently been suggested that DS should be assessed for ADHD. I'd never considered it before (we all thought that he was bright but lazy and disorganised), but having done some reading it's like a whole series of light bulbs going off that explain why he does (or doesn't do) things the way that he does.

But this is all still very new to us; we aren't in the UK, and the RL support and resources are very limited; and DH is very set against assessing.

So my questions...

1. There will be a delay of at least a few months before DS can be assessed - is there anything that we can do in the mean time? Or just wait for the assessment and go from there?

2. What are the best online resources to understand ADHD and options for managing it? (Particularly, if it comes to it, regarding medication)

3. What to do about DH? He is adamant that it is a mistake to get DS assessed, I think because he is worried about DS being "labelled" and having problems subsequently. I have told him that I will get DS assessed regardless of his views, as not being assessed won't make the issue go away. I'm certain I'm not the first to be in this position...how best to address?

4. Should school have noticed the potential issue and raised it with us? It was a friend who suggested it to me, but when I spoke to his teachers, they said "that would be a good idea". I had - perhaps naively - thought that professionals who see kids all the time would have a better sense of what "normal" and "hmmm, worth investigating" looks like.

I'm sure I will have plenty more questions in due course.

Bumpity bump...

I would really urge you to do a speech and lang assessment or consultation. It sounds more like that area of worry, especially around receptive language.

Why do you say that, malmontar? DS's English language skills are off the charts by most measures (his handwriting is appalling, but he speed reads, excels at comprehension etc)

Thanks for those suggestions, whosafraid. Definitely things that we can do

DS is starting to get frustrated with himself and saying things like "I'm such an idiot!" when he forgets stuff. He's becoming withdrawn and very unhappy at school, when he has previously loved it

I find this to be a good website:

www.additudemag.com

As for DH, tell him DS either has ADD/ADHD or he hasn't - and if he has, the problems won't go away, just because nobody has diagnosed it! In fact, the problems are likely to get greater, the higher up the education system he goes - where the problems with organisation, planning, etc become more obvious as more is expected of them. At least with a label, you can also ask the school for reasonable adjustments such as DS could get extra time in exams, rest breaks and a quiet room for exams, rather than in the main hall with everybody else. It is better for DS to be given coping strategies, appropriate for his condition, rather than being left to struggle without knowing why - its very bad for their self esteem!

As for medication - people seem to have a lot of misconceptions about this. If DS had diabetes, would you say that you would not give him insulin, as you don't want him "drugged" up? Medication helped DD concentrate and stop fidgeting - she said for the first time, she could see all the careless mistakes she used to make in her work! She used to use coffee (really the caffeine), without realising why it helped her to concentrate!

It is a common misconception that people with ADD/ADHD can never concentrate - in fact, DD can use hyperfocus to concentrate on something she is really interested in, for 12 hours - far more than most of us can do! They can also be very volatile emotionally - we used to joke about how many tantrums DD had; now we know why! She can remember it herself!

Thank you SaltPans - that's really helpful. It all "fits" with DS so much, to the extent that I now feel terrible for being so hard on DS when he has forgotten stuff, or made silly mistakes - we thought he was being slapdash not that he was already trying really hard to do the best he could

whosafraid - we've definitely noticed the social skills issue recently with DS. We have moved a lot in the last few years, so had put his diminishing social circle down to that, but having seen him with his peers quite a bit more over the last few weeks, "something" isn't quite right.

When I spoke to his teachers, one said that it was worth pursuing even if it only gave us additional information on his learning style. The other (the one that he sees for extra classes for G&T students....!!) basically told me off for not being strict enough and enforcing consequences when he makes a mistake. (We aren't in the UK, so the system is a bit different here)

Like enforcing consequences is a cure for ADD/ADHD?

An example, DD was going out this afternoon and she commented she had to take her tablet X before she went. Tonight, she asked me if she had taken the pill? I said I didn't know, she only said she was taking X, she did not mention the pill; however she could look at the pack and see if today's is still in the there? Unfortunately, she takes them at random from the pack, so had no idea. I pointed out for someone with organisation problems, surely it would be better to take them according to the day on the pack, for this very reason?

She laughed!

DD is well aware that the consequence of not taking the pill properly, could be an unplanned pregnancy....Would this make sure she can remember to take the tablets....? No, we are more likely to see pigs flying past the windows!

(She has tried diaries, lists, pill boxes, phone alarms to remind her to take drugs, including Concerta - she loses the diaries and lists; forgets to fill the pill boxes; and when the phone alarm goes off as she is doing something important, she decides to take it when she has finished....but she forgets!)