Any advice to reduce sons frustration

[Whatcouldpossiblygowrong]

Hi,
We are waiting for ASD assessment -next week- meantime- need some ideas to help with our boy.
Very simplistically he has a lot of behaviours associated with anxiety, rigid thinking, refuses to do anything he is asked- is a deep and intense thinker- is constantly on the move- thinking and talking at a million miles an hour and usually immersed in something he wants to do rather than what I’m asking.
We’ve tried a chart, we’ve tried laddering up to the activities (even something like a bath or dinner - homework another story), we’ve tried explaining long term benefits as he’s bright- but just the daily battles are so draining. He then takes it out on us or his brother and gets quite angry or upset which can drag on for hours. It’s hard work and I feel he’s always upset about something.
Any ideas to generally take the stress levels down at home? Mornings, after school, dinner, bedtime are all hellish right now- I suspect because we’ve gone back to school so the routine has changed - but 🤷‍♀️

Maybe if you had visual timetable that he has input in so he can see what is going to happen when. If he is on the spectrum then he will want structure. If it is something new that is going to happen prepare him, first we are going to do this then next etc Give him an element of choice and finish the day with something he really enjoys. It is so hard and very draining, so I do feel for you. It is all about the routine.

Thank you! Yes, we did have a chart and it did help for a time. I think I need to start it again

If you're still around, OurBoards is useful for visual timetables.

ourboards.co.uk

Thanks that looks great!fingers crossed we seem to be having a better week- but when he does get frustrated /angry (less often this week) he’d still going from 1-10 in a finger click

We're have a tough week, I think the school term is too long, dark nights so less outdoor play and the excitement of Xmas is just too much for him. Fingers crossed all round! x

When you ask him to do something how do you phrase the instructions? Eg "Would you go and get dressed?" "I want you to get dressed now." Or "it's time to get dressed." All achieve the same end and are common vernacular but .... the first can be refused because it is a question and it could make him anxious because it opens up options. The second places the blame on you which gives him the option to get angry with you where as the third is just a fact and not your fault and there are no possible way out which can cause anxiety.