Struggling with Challenging Behaviour

[Lavenderdays]

Trying to decide whether to get some sort of an assessment for dd (just turned 5). Up until now we have just described her behaviour as challenging, mainly due to her age but I am now coming to the conclusion that maybe I should request an assessment for her (we have private healthcare and can access a child psychologist using this).
Dh doesn't think there is a real issue but has seen glimpses of the things that I am talking about and it leaves me feeling that I am blowing things out of proportion.

Examples of Behaviour
Likes to be in charge of play which can make relationships with other children difficult. Has already had a major tantrum at school because she couldn't have something another child was using and had to be extracted from the situation.
Mood swings/prone to meltdowns/tantrums if she cant do what she wants to do. Likes choice i.e to do something on her own terms...I'll have my hair brushed after I've had breakfast.
Resists instructions a lot of the time (concerns me because of safety, i.e crossing roads, running off, to the point that I don't feel safe taking her out very far, seems very impulsive).
Has no fear of authority figures (will hug head teacher and speak to him in a very informal way). Will ask adults what their names are and say things like, I like your earrings and ask impertinent questions.
Resists lining up for school, will run off and hug me etc.
Has already got into a fight at school because she shoved someone because she couldn't get her own way and a full on fight ensued.
On occasion has told a parent that their child hasn't shared (yet has difficulties with this herself.)
Her learning ability is probably above average - she seems to read numbers well and will say things like 7 and 2 that's 72, no problems learning to read.
At my wits end really because I feel like it affects family life. We went to a family photo shoot recently and her behaviour was outrageous, she got majorly excited and would hardly follow instructions, and displayed almost manic behaviour (would hardly listen to photographer etc.). Has meltdowns in restaurants and other public places also, this is unpredictable and makes me feel like I don't want to take her out unaided.
Anyone? Please be kind.

What do the school say ?
What did Nursery say last year ?
What has the HV said in any contact?

I would ask for an appointment with the teacher, without dd there, and say you are getting more and more concerned, and you would like their honest opinion as to what they feel (Staff sometimes find it difficult to broach concerns with parents who can often be defensive - make it clear that you have concerns and ar looking to see if they share them, and you might get more open discussion).
From what you say here, it could be there is an issue, or it could be that there isn't - the staff will know her much better and see her for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, and will see her alongside all the other 5 yr olds, so will have a much better 'feel' for whether this is a 'phase' of her development, or if they see signs of something more long term.

I think that's the thing BackforGood because of her age I think her behaviour could be put down to being a phase and that is where dh is coming from I think. Perhaps I need to wait a bit longer and see if some of these behaviours settle down.

We have a parents evening coming up, I would like to think that the school will flag up any concerns (they have told me both times about her behaviour when it was misguided), so it is likely that they would be open with me but I don't want to create an issue and potential label where there isn't one. She had an episode of scratching her arm (after hurting another child but that was a few months ago and it hasn't reoccurred since - I alerted the HV but they weren't too concerned). She also goes up to complete strangers and hugs them/compliments them...I like your earrings/hair etc. sort of overly friendly which I find a little strange also. Nursery did say there were a few incidents where she had tantrums/meltdowns and would run off and hide under coats etc. but I haven't heard that she has done this at school so far. I have to admit I hold my breath when I pick her up after school because I am expecting there to be have been an incident (but there have only been one notable one and a major tantrum as far as I am aware).