Should psychiatrist have done this?

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hello, thanks for reading, I hope it's okay to post this here.

I've thought my son has ADHD since he was very little. He's spectacularly disorganised, can't remember what's his and what's other people's, forgets what you say to him the instant you say it to him, cannot keep still, struggles to complete homework, struggles at after school activities because he's always running off to do his own thing.

He's struggled academically and socially at school despite being bright. We've moved house a lot which hasn't helped, and he's at his third school now (started last September).

He's got a brilliant teacher and we're not moving anymore and things have improved a lot academically but socially he's making no headway.

I'm not at all clear if he's just an introvert (he is a nerdy, likes to go off by himself and make up stories) or if he's suffering from it. I certainly suffer from it, and the comparison with his very sociable 5yo sister makes me ache.

A couple of months back I finally saw a CAHMS psychiatrist who assessed him and said - in front of him - that he had mild ADHD.

I was pleased as I felt this was an anchor for us to understand our boy and his difficulties, and eventually for him to understand himself. But I was perturbed that the psychiatrist said it in front of him.

He was very aware of what had been said and the next day went to school and told everyone he had ADHD and therefore couldn't concentrate. His behaviour was awful for a while. Since then his behaviour has improved but he seems to have become even more intensely socially isolated. (he's perfectly comfortable with his cousins and my friends kids of the same age - it's just at school he seems always to end up in the outsider role).

Should the psychiatrist have delivered the diagnosis in front of DS? DH says the whole thing will screw DS up and I should never have got the diagnosis. School seems to think it was a bad idea too, or at best unnecessary.

Hi OP, what kind of procedure did hey follow for diagnosis and are you and your husband happy with it? If so, I disagree with your husband and school. If your son does have ADHD he needs to know, AND you need to explain what it means: he needs to work harder than other people and never use it as an excuse. How old is he?

Quite normal to say it in front of him although I would have thought they would have discussed with you separately first. It is important he knows about his condition and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. I think that you can now use this as an explanation for why he finds some things more difficult ie not his fault but then also work together on strategies which are known to help children with ADHD. Thereby explaining the difficulties but also not using them as an excuse. School should be helping him to socialise. Could they do some PSHE around difference/ how we are all different-I've seen it done with dyslexia, ADHD , physical health to help aswell

jaws5
the actual procedure was 2 x Connors questionnaire for me and for school. Then a nurse met me and DH and interviewed us. Then DS met the psychiatrist who told me to let him 'be himself' (DS proceeded to hang upside down off the chair and show the psychiatrist how far he could do the splits etc etc). Then the psychiatrist interviewed me with him still in the room. Then he announced DS did qualify for a mild ADHD diagnosis. DS was rolling around on the floor on his back by this point but managed to leap up and grab a photocopy the psychiatrist gave me which was about a parents ADHD support group.

'what's ADHD?' DS asked. And I think his head collapsed, as did mine, at the suddenness of it all.

laura0806

That's really interesting if it's standard. I was really surprised because he previously had an assessment for autism and they were very careful not to mention anything in front of him. When the verdict came (not even close to autistic) they only saw me, not him, so he never had to know anything about it.

The school doesn't seem to have much to suggest around social stuff - the kids are very cliquey. DS has a spitting problem at the moment which doesn't help. The teacher is fantastic - she's turned his performance around academically - and she really rates him - but I get the feeling she's got no magic wand around his social development.

DH is very against the whole idea of a diagnosis despite both he and I having siblings with difficulties who received no help and whose lives are now a complete mess. And mild ADHD isn't even that big of a deal ... it's about the least scary diagnosis possible (I' suspect i've got a touch of it and if so its very much part of who I am). DH gets very angry so hard to talk about it, but today we had a very tough conversation and I think we may have got somewhere.

DH's concern is to avoid overmedicalising and psychiatricising the situation and creating the harm we are seeking to avoid by hanging some awful stigma around DS's neck. I think he thinks Im a bit munchhausen by proxy about it all - like I want to gratify myself in some way by getting a label for DS. Which is definitely something to bear in mind I guess.