I’m so confused and exhausted...could it be ASD?

[mumx5inuk]

My youngest (of four) dd17 has been to two different sixth forms, not engaged at either one. She sat GCSEs age 15, did fine. Then age 16 and 17 poor attendance and not engaging.

I am at my wit’s end. She’s been on the waiting list at CAMHS since February. Every time she leaves a school she will never set foot on their property ever again. She says she has OCD but not been diagnosed (despite being seen by CAMHS a couple of years ago.)

Her current school will have her for one more year (trying different subjects) but she wants to (again) leave and not set foot here.

I am on the waiting list for autism assessment and her brother has HFA. Is it possible she could have gotten to age 17 and be on the spectrum and it’s gone unnoticed?

I’m at my wits end, my divorce says that the FMH sells upon her 18th birthday which is coming up. Her dad only wants to talk about that and says that he “washes his hands” of her (i.e., she’s lazy.)

Thank you for reading.

Girls tend to mask far better than boys and can present very differently and can therefore be diagnosed far later. Look up the Nasen information about girls, it's very informative. Also a book called Aspergirls by Rudy Simone or A Guide to Mental Health Issues in Girls and Young Women on the Autism Spectrum by Judy Eaton. Judy is very highly thought of and diagnoses girls in her Norfolk clinic. My step daughter was diagnosed at 18 and I'm currently waiting for ados for my 11 year old girl..so very different from her asd diagnosed brother..but having issues none the less. Good luck.

Thanks, that’s really helpful, Fanjango... x

It is possible, I have a friend whose daughters aged 14 and 17 have just been recently diagnosed (privately) and the parents really did not consider it at all until they began to have issues at secondary with their social communication/environment. In all other aspects they were high achieving, charming, had friends, nice to talk to, just the pressures of secondary caused them so many anxieties, wanting to be like others but not quite managing it, overload etc. What appeared to be depression in one was just that, overload. Both are doing much much better in a new school environment more suited to their talents. I think the parents only came to the autism diagnosis after their eldest suffered severe mental health difficulties at 15. She is doing brilliantly now and engaging with a wide variety of activities, academics.

Could you look around for an alternative further training than her current academic pathway, ie perhaps more vocational subject, or even a level 2 Btec to gain confidence take a step back. I've now seen a lot of 17 year olds crash and burn anorexia etc partly because there was an attempt to keep them going in a certain direction. Sometimes you can try a new tack or just a year to work or get your confidence back outside a very pressured sixth form (sixth form is really incredibly high stress if you think about it, numbers alone and targets etc) Her current sixth form might just want the bums on seats and the funding they get if they take her back without being able to deliver appropriately for HER.

I also know someone who took academic A levels and is now doing a fulltime Animal care Btec at a local college with work thrown in with animals, academically it might be beneath her "level" (ie school might have assumed next step was uni) but actually it is perfect for her and gaining her confidence and skills.

I know someone else whose son did a Btec which he did not really enjoy and now aged 19 is doing an A level privately through NEC which he really enjoys. At 19 there is access to learning, so again a way to get the equivalent of A levels when you are older, if you want to progress to higher education through that route.

With uni fees the time frame doesn't make so much sense now, any time you can go back and engage in education again, and it wont' cost that much more.

Your ex sounds very disagreeable and possibly needs to read something about mental health/depression and how it is not to do with laziness at all. The great thing is that she has got YOU on her side.

Looking back, I probably had undiagnosed autism as I found that stage really very difficult, but with patience and tailored support she will get through,as I'm sure you know yourself if you are waiting for an autism assessment and have managed 4 children - you should take your hat off to yourself for coping so well and being so strong/resilient, because you have been