advice re learning at home

[bigarse1]

i wonder if anyone has any experience and can offer advice. I have twins who are almost 5. they are coming to the end of reception and we have just been called in to a meeting at school.
without going into everything as it would take forever, my twins are suspected asd,adhd and spd. school has pretty much ignored this. one twin is doing fine academically but the other is just not 'getting it'.
they have finally admitted he has made no progress, in fact in our mind has gone backwards. he refuses to even try working and meltsdown and ends up outside in the garden, this is not an option next year.
anyway at home I have 2 other children who do homework, reading book, worksheets etc. the twins tend to be awake 20 hours out of 24 so plenty of time. my little boy doesn't do any and stops others doing the same and is starting to impact on them. I need to come up with something I can buy/print/create that can occupy him for just a few mins a day whilst I help them.
this is where my problem is - everything is too hard for him. workbooks we have brought are at nursery level and he can manage the first page or two but then as he progresses he cant manage it. we have had some success with printing worksheets with mazes, patterns etc but I'm running out of ideas.
to be clear, at this point, it isn't about teaching him. it is about occupying him for a matter of minutes but so that he feels he is doing 'work' too. he is starting to state he is stupid etc so I just want something he can achieve and get praised for.
he does lots of physical stuff so I don't want to come across as a little boy who is expected to sit and write all day.
any advice as to what other people have been would be massively appreciated.
thanks

Best advice is to repost this message into the special needs thread. You will get many more replies. Good luck

@Tissie thanks but no idea how to do that?

probably the easiest way is to highlight your text, copy, then go to special needs, SN chat and post in the usual way. I have been wondering about what sort of thing he could do. If you have coloured blocks or shapes you could lay out a pattern and tell him to copy it. Teach him prepositions by having a shoe box or similar and a small toy; ask him o put the toy on the box, look and praise, ask him to put the toy under the box, try it with next to, behind, in front. If you have small animals and blocks make a field and a barn; ask him to position his animals in these and describe to you where each is. As precursors to writing and for hand control use large sheets of sugar paper and either a paint brush or a large felt tip and demonstrate shapes to draw for him to copy, include a spiral. if you have some form of plasticene he could replicate those shapes in plasticene. I can probably think of other things if this sounds OK.

thank you so much - I will try that. all of your ideas are good and I could see him having a bash at them but only with an adult? that is where I'm struggling

I think you will have to start by doing activities with him but fairly quicckly introduce a second child doing something else along with you. Once you have established that it should be possibly to say I want you to spend 5 minutes doing this on your own. Introduce him to a large size timer with a count down on it. Gradually you should be able to increase the time. Also try using games type activities on a lap top; if you go to Top Marks web site and type in Early Years for subject and age group it will list lots of games. You might have to do several with him at first but he should catch on and be able to do them alone. I was able to do this with a non verbal 4yr old. Whereabouts in the country are you?

we are in kent. see what you have said above was my theory but its never ever progresses. he is stuck to my side pretty constantly and at the moment has to be physically removed from me so I can help the others. this is making us all feel horrible. he has no attention span, doesn't really concentrate and his learning is going backwards. I think I'm probably after something that isn't going to happen, I was just hoping there was something. the others sometimes feel they are being 'punished' by having to do there reading/homework but if I make a big fuss of them then he gets upset as he is unable to do the same. its difficult as 2 are twins so I cant even get away with the older/younger excuses.
I'm trying to start planning things now so that by the summer holidays they will be a routine?

This is really difficult for you and I sympathise. Is there anyone near you who could help. I have worked with children like this and it is possibe to get them to work without clinging on to mum. How does he go into school in the morning? How is he in the classroom? If he functions there it is possible for him o do so at home but it is sooooooo much more difficult for a parent to do. I wish I lived nearer so I could come and work with him but I am in Wells in Somerset and although I travel south and north we never go into the east of the country. Please don't give up. You may have to try having him physically removed from you while you supervise/help the others. You will have to ignore the screaming etc while you do it. Start with short periods of 5 mins then extend. Are the school referring him to an educational psychologist? It sounds as if you need to be thinking about an EHCP.

he has to go in to school before all the others as he has such issues. he has never gone in at the same time. he used to go in late so they had got all the others settles first but they realised that he was really upsetting all the others when he went in so now he goes in early so they can spend ten mins with him first.
at school he does no work, he is safety held several times a day, every day and they have made no progress since he started. they cant get him to sit at carpet time, do any work or even just 'be' while stories are read etc. they end up with him in the garden blowing bubbles or playing in the mud kitchen/water with a ta while the teacher gets on with the rest of the class.
at 2 he could write his own name, knew most of his phonics, colours, shapes etc. he is 5 in a couple of weeks and cannot do any of them now. we have had trouble with the school as we were fighting for help for him and they were telling us nothing was wrong and then it came out that he was being safety held several times a day and sometimes he just spends time mopping the kitchen floor with the head teacher! they took his case to a panel yesterday so just waiting to hear what they have recommended. I truly feel that he needs a 1-2-1.
thanks so much for your help, its so nice to talk to someone who 'gets' it. we have been physically removing for ages now (years) but he just doesn't learn

Thank you for telling me all this, its a very difficult situation for you and sharing is not always easy. If you can ever get away and fancy a visit to Wells with or without children please do contact me. We have spare rooms and you would be welcome to stay.I hope the panel are helpful. Is special school being considered? It may be the best option for him.
I shall think of you over the coming weeks and wish you all the best. My personal email is
[email protected]
please feel free to contact me if ever you want to talk. Best wishes.

thank you so much. personally everyone involved with him, except the school, thinks he needs a specialist school. we had to see a sleep disorder team a couple of weeks ago and once he had spent ten mins with him he was asking which specialist school he was at and when we said he wasn't he said well he must have 1-2-1 all the time then and was astounded when we said officially he didn't although unofficially he always has someone with him. in a class of 25 with a teacher and a ta when they sit in assembley he has teacher one side and ta the other while the rest of the children sit on their own. thanks so much x