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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

Need some support!

19 replies

bonkerz · 03/05/2007 21:21

An update and support needed here cos i feel like im losing it big time!!
Had phone call from LEA 2 weeks ago saying they were going to reassess my application for statementing. They also said that i should wait before applying to appeal. Got a letter yesterday saying after reveiw they feel that my son gets alot of support from me and thereofre doesnt need a statement! I rasng about appealing and was told the deadline had passed because they go from 1st letter not reassessment letter!

School rang me yesterday to tell me DS is really struggling at school, they tried to blame home for this and said they wanted to exclude him! I told them i would not support exclusions and was basically told i was being unhelpful. I really feel exclusion is not the answer as it doesnt work as a punishment and all its going to acheive is DS not wanting to go to school! the head said that as a school they couldnt cope with DS!!

Went to see teacher tonight and was told that either i could choose to remove my son voluntarily till such time as a diagnosis is made OR they will insist on exclusions and this week he should have had 3 days exclusion!(45 days and he is out for good! and he currently has 3 days so this weeks would have made 6!)

I really dont know what to do or where to turn! The school are saying to us that they cannot cope BUT because DS has no diagnosis they dont know wether to treat as normal child or as if he has aspergers (which is becoming more and more likely!) I dont want my son unhappy. At home he is slowly becoming harder to handle. He is now showing signs of rage like he does at school and is traumatised by the slightest change (just had new kitchen fitted and he has been hell!)

I dont know if i should just look for a new school or not?
I have rang PEAD today who has agreed to assess him for aspergers BUT this isnt till end of June so i am pushing for it to be done ASAP so DS can stay in school.

Basically school are saying NO DIAGNOSIS then NO EDUCATION!!

Another comment made by teacher tonight was that my son was beyond atrategies and discipline. She sadi she didnt feel he was intentionally naughty and she also acknowledged he is now being bullied!

OP posts:

Original poster

bonkerz · 03/05/2007 21:22

original thread!

OP posts:

becklespeckle · 03/05/2007 21:34

I don't have any advice as have no experience of this but at your DSs school, I would be very tempted to look for another. Hope someone more helpful comes along soon x

Original poster

bonkerz · 03/05/2007 21:44

am so worried that if i remove DS from school they will refuse to take him back BUT i also dont want them to start officially excluding him and that be on his record.

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becklespeckle · 03/05/2007 21:48

Sounds to me like the school is failing your DS terribly, I really feel for you and your son. I don't think they are helping at all by excluding him, I would keep pushing for his assessment to be brought forward. Are there any other schools near you which you could look into?

Original poster

bonkerz · 03/05/2007 21:53

there is a school in the next town which has a behaviour center attached BUT im worried if i move him we will be back to square one with ed psych etc.

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becklespeckle · 03/05/2007 22:49

I would be tempted to check out the other school TBH, would the initial setback be worth it in the long run? Sorry am not much more help

Original poster

bonkerz · 04/05/2007 06:48

little bump, thanks becklespeckle for the advice. Am going to ring other school today and find out about moving DS in September i think. Not a great nights sleep here! Am so worried about my DS now.

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becklespeckle · 04/05/2007 10:22

bump again for you - there might be someone more knowledgeable today x

Original poster

bonkerz · 04/05/2007 15:37

spent today ringing pead and Educational welfare and also rang the other school.
NO LUCK with any!
Feel so deflated.
Have asked Ed welfare to find out if i remove my son what help there is for me.
Pead cannot do anything till June.
Other school is full with no spaces likely also said that because my DS is acheiving highly aceademically that they felt their unit was not right for them.
Am now considering placing him on half days or cutting to 3 day weeks. REALLY NEED SOME SUPPORT GUYS.

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coppertop · 04/05/2007 15:57

Does this help at all? If not then I would contact IPSEA's helpline asap because this whole situation sounds very wrong to me.

Hang in there, Bonkerz. xx

I'll see if I can find anything relevant that could help.

coppertop · 04/05/2007 16:01

Ah I see the link was already posted on your original thread.

coppertop · 04/05/2007 16:09

My personal feeling is that even if you had a diagnosis this school would still be no use to your ds. Reading between the lines it seems to me that they're saying 'We can exclude him without a dx but we have to keep him here if he does get a dx because it's trickier to exclude a child with a dx as the parents can say that it's discrimination'. If they truly wanted to help your ds they would say something like 'We'll try treating him as though he has AS to see if that helps. If the Paed rules out AS then we'll need to look at what else we can try.'

It might be a good idea to contact your local branch of the NAS and ask which schools in your area have the best reputation for children with AS. It doesn't matter that your ds doesn't have a dx. They may also be able to give you practical advice about what can be done in your area.

magso · 04/05/2007 19:45

I found the advisary centre for education (ace) website very helpful! WWW.ace-ed.org.uk . It gives stepwise information like what to do if lea decide not to assess, and if your child is excluded. It sounds like your childs school are not being flexible or trying hard enough.

magso · 04/05/2007 19:58

Ps was in dreadful state with my childs school, so I have some idea of the difficulty of making progress against the system! (I felt so powerless!) In my sons case taking him home for lunchtime helped-gave him a regular break from the negetivity of school, and avoided official exclusion, because it is classed as part time schooling. (impossible to work though!)

Original poster

bonkerz · 04/05/2007 20:12

Thanks guys, im really struggling with deciding whats best for DS. Half days may be the way forward but agree about the school not being the right one for DS even if he gets a diagnosis. will ring LEA next week.

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Original poster

bonkerz · 08/05/2007 18:05

thanks for the replies. Ive been in touch with the peadiatrician again who is trying to move DSs appointment forward as a matter of urgency and have now got an educational welfare officer who has been liasing with school for me. As of tomorrow my son will be going part time 9-12 to school and will be given work for the afternoon. Not sure how i feel about this to be honest and after speaking to Parents In Partnership support officer i am almost convinced that this is another way for the school to get rid of my son. Moving him will not happen as there are no schools around that are equipped to deal with a child who has extreme behaviour problems but who is acheiving almost a year above academically!!
have called a meeting again next week with Ed Psych and Head plus SENCO and teacher to try and find out what else we can do to support DS.
TBH am fed up of fighting.

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saintmaybe · 08/05/2007 18:08

oh bonkerz

do hope you get some help soon

magso · 08/05/2007 18:46

Bonkerz, I do hope life will get easier for you and your son soon. I was very worried about part time schooling for the same reasons you are and also feeling that school were not addressing the problems -I was! But for us (in a different situation)it helped. It reduced the stress of attending school and in particular in the playground. If I could go back (part time schooling lasted nearly 2 years for us!!) I would have been more aggressive/ made more of a nuisance of myself sooner! Sounds like you have worked hard to set up all those meetings! Good luck

1sue1 · 09/05/2007 09:25

Don't know much as am waiting myself for an appt with paed to assess for Aspergers.

I was told by an advisor at National Autistic Society that if the behaviour is bad enough for an exclusion, it's bad enough for a statement.

You are not being supported at all and you could look on the IPSEA website for sample lea letters. Don't try to ring, you'll never get through.

I have to bring my son home at lunchtimes as it's when he's at his worst (unsupervised playground, loads of kids etc) and am not keen as it ostracizes him and does not teach him new strategies for coping. However, he loves coming home, it keeps him calm and he is not bothered himself by it.

If I were you, I would not worry too much at this stage, wait for a diagnosis, I am doing this as the full picture will make it easier to push for your child.

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