Exclusion at 4 - what routes?

[pumpingRSI]

Hi,
My son has undiagnosed behavioural issues. I suspect ADHD and ODD. He is 4.5. We've had ups and downs and the school are supporting him through giving him a quiet place when things get too much, alternatives to being in school hall for dinner and lots of 1-2-1. But yesterday he lost the plot, hurt another pupil and a teacher and has a 1 day exclusion.
I'm upset, exhausted, and have a return to school meeting next week. We find him challenging but seem to manage (if walking on eggshells) at home. I've asked for an assessment and this has been sent in but gather this will take time. What extra support could he be offered? I'm fearful this will keep happening and eventually he will have to leave. Plus I'm upset for him that he is likely to struggle with peers, outside school activities and lead a normal school life iyswim.

Also in terms of parenting mental health, how do people cope?! How do they cope holding down jobs when things like after school clubs may not work due to behaviour or unpredictability and exclusions meaning sudden days off. Finding life v v challenging at the moment and want to understand options and my limitations.

Is the assessment you've asked for an EHC needs assessment?

It's called an all about me assessment. From what I understand it's to allow us to access our GP about our son? I'm meeting with school so that they can apply to higher needs funding, so hoping this makes mainstream school easier and possible for everyone. But what support do we get at home?

It could be worth your while to apply for an Education, Health and Care Needs Assessment. Information here - www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/ehc-needs-assessments

Thanks. At the school meeting I'll find out whether this is the process we've started or not. What does having an EHC plan enable you to access / change? Does it mean he will no longer be able to attend his current school? At the moment it feels like all the finding and support is being requested by the school and I think we could use some support too.

If the council does its job properly (admittedly a big If), an EHC Plan is produced after a full assessment of the child's needs (including by an educational psychologist) and all the support he needs is set out in full and detailed terms. It is then the statutory duty of the council to ensure that he receives that support. If the current school is able to meet his needs, there is no reason why he would have to move; but they would be better informed about what his difficulties are and how to support them. If the cost of supporting them is more than the approximately £6K per year that they are allocated to support children with SEN, the school will receive extra funding.