Working memory, processing, ASD, inference, emotional barriers, mild dyslexia-totally confused about schools

[Notnotresilient]

We have all the above conditions and an EHCP. DD is in year 6 and we are looking at secondary schools. We are looking at mainstream, special and independent, but the more I look the more confused I become. There are good features, deeply unatractive features and warning red lights in all of them and I can't resolve to judge without a crystal ball where DD would thrive ... I think it is because I don't understand clearly enough the most important determinant of her long term outcome in education.

What ingredients are necessary for her to be confident and achieve GCSEs?

At school DD is generally keeping with the class, but "working towards" inspite of considerable support. She forgets things, so we seem to be going in circles over the same material. Homework is an agony. Her confidence and self esteem are so low that they an additional emotional barrier to learning, her first reaction to everything is "I can't", even though when she starts working she usually can and does do it.

What factors are the most important ones to choose school right now?

Should I put priority on rebuilding her confidence and placing her in a nurturing environment with small classes, in a private school? What if SEN provisions wouldn't work and she would struggle?

Should I put her in an outstanding special school? But that would be to forgo any hope of academic success in the future.

Should I put her in a mainstream? It could maximise her academic progress, but what if she sinks to the bottom right away , the school leaving her there, her confidence being permanently damaged and long term outcome very bleak anyway?

What is more important in the case of DD conditions, small class sizes, progress8 measures or more cooperative and experienced SENCo?

Please help me sort out my thinking and get out of this misery.
Any comments greatly appreciated.

I replied to your pm message before I read this which was a bit precipitate although what I said there stands. I can give you my ideas on your issues from my experience as a long time senco in secondaries and my tutoring of special needs children now BUT it can only be one opinion and I do not know you or your daughter personally and maybe there are experts who could better advise you. Still here goes:
From your description I have my doubts as to whether your daughter would survive secondary school emotionally and it would be hard for her to make academic progress in average size classes even with support that better schools would offer. If you can find it and afford it a place in a private school with small classes, expert support and whole class provision would be best. I don't know what part of the country you are in but the little girl (7yrs) I have been tutoring for nearly a year who has language issues with processing difficulties, dyslexia and dyscalculia has now gone to Bredon School. Here she is in a class of 7 seven pupils with expert support for her problems. Please do email me as I've said in my pm.

Again, potentially a bit random area-wise but have you thought about Limpsfield Grange. i think they definitely do GCSEs widely there.

Thank you so much Tissie. I looked at Bredon and it looks ideal, 3 hours away though that would have to be boarding.

Shy, thanks for Limpsfield, that also is a potentially good place.

But given DD's difficulties including working memory, should I pursue primarily dyslexia school, or primarily ASD school?

An ASD school might not have the right focus on working memory, dyslexia school might be reluctant to take om a girl with ASD.

Don't know what it's like in your area but when I was visiting special schools for my son with ASD I thought (DD also has issues) that few of the schools were that suitable for girls. There was one school which insisted they were pure ASD provision - no help with things like dyslexia. I wouldn't worry about dyslexia school not taking on a girl with ASD. About 60% of the children at the dyslexia school I looked at had an ASD diagnosis. Think dyslexia schools are more likely to have a significant amount of girls than ASD schools. I think a good ASD school would be au fait with working memory problems - and all the other 'comorbid' conditions.

Hi, I also face to this problem . My son is High function ASD with ADHD. He is overseas student. We want to apply UK boarding school and join year 9 in 2018, we applied St David , they turned down. We are also looking Bredon .
Which school should we go- for oversea student?
Please help me to find a suitable school for My kids, your comments greatly appreciated.

Mimiip, I am not very up to date with residential schools, but for a boy with ASD and ADHD I would think you might have more luck with specialist ASD school, rather than dyslexia schools.