DS has Autism

[AlwaysSpellingMyName]

Just been for DS1 ADOS assessment. It lasted all morning and just got the results.

He has Autistic Spectrum Disorder. It comes as no surprise but I can't stop crying. He is high functioning but really struggles with social & communication skills.

I just don't know how to feel. The rationale me knows that it won't change anything, if anything it's a good thing as he'll hopefully get more support. The emotional wreck wants to hug him and take away all his struggles. DH is so supportive but he looks at it logically and doesn't allow his emotional side come out. Bloody frustrating!

I'm sorry I'm ranting. Usually I make much more sense.

My DS has also recently been diagnosed as being on the spectrum (high functioning). I was also not remotely surprised, but found myself crying when they actually told me. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed; the unknown is scary and it's impossible not to imagine the worst case scenario for the future. Please don't feel guilty for feeling so upset. It's such a lot to get your head around - even if you were expecting it.

DH is very much in denial (although he claims he's 'just getting on with it') which makes it hard too, as I feel like I'm going to have to fight to get DS help alone.

How old is your son? Is he having any speech and language help? I have a great contact on that front if you live in/near London (v reasonably priced for London too). DS has weekly sessions, which have hugely helped with his social skills and eye contact too.

Also, have you read Reasons Why I Jump? It's a fantastic book - written by an Autistic boy. It's very uplifting and gives so much insight into an autistic mind. I found it really helpful and comforting.

I was you (still am occasionally). The autistic in my life is in full time work (education was a very bumpy ride though), bought is own car, drives, cooks, shops, manages his own bank accounts, is very very kind to everyone. Does emotion, cleans like a ninja, will garden if I force him too! Loves eating and going out, loves holidays - lives for those. He gets tired very very easily, still will not write anything ever, his room is a mess, does get anxious but doesn't say. However, he stuck out his first job, even though he hated it, and has never had a day off work in nearly three years of working. He has got every job he interviews for - he is awesome at interviews. He was crap at all sport but is an amazing sailor. He is good company and yes still drives me bonkers on a regular basis.

So, yes, it is very sad but you will discover a new normal. The little boys you have now will grow into fine young men but it will take bags and bags of effort. Mine was obsessed with washing machines when small and hoovers. It means that from young he knew how the machine worked and aged 11 would know that certain clothes couldn't be tumbled. His hoovering is awesome and he does all the boring things like moves the shoes to hoover round them and then lines them up. So you can turn obsessions to something useful. I really recommend lad and dad bonding time. Mine would go camping, now sailing. It gives me respite and you will need that particularly at school years.

What a lovely post. I read it out to my husband and even he became tearful! It made me feel so much more positive. As you say, it's about learning a 'new kind of normal'.

Thank you for taking the time to write it x