at what point do we give up on poor ds and his music lessons...?URGENT

[filthymindedvixen]

poor bloody ds (dyslexic - struggles to learn things by rote) is upstairs crying his eyes out as guitar teacher has apparently given him an ultimatum ''if he can't learn the notes by next week, he's being kicked out''.

Now part of me completely understands this teacher has tried since sept and obv feels he's getting nowhere, another part feels he has not been sypmathetic to ds's learning difficulty. I feel frustrated as DS is desperate to learn to play guitar but I have no musical knowledge so I can't help him learn this stuff.

He's not crap at 'playing' just really struggling with learning the notation IFKWIM.

Should we just give up now?? I don't want him to feel this sad...or is there another way?

Should we find a new teacher? (this is through the school's music lessons, provided by the county council.

grateful for any advice but I need to make a decision this week.

find a new teacher, if DS wants to learn, find one with a bit of understanding who doesn't upset him like this!

Have you met his teacher? Is his teacher aware of DC's difficulties? ( school often dont pass on vital information to music teachers.)

Can you speak to teacher to see if he is seriously going to kick your DC out, it could have just been a threat to try to encourage your DC?

If you can possibly afford it, get another teacher, ideally one-to-one.

My ds made virtually no progress during 18 months of school group lesson. He learnt more during his first one-to-one with his delightful current teacher than he had in all his time at school.

Tell your ds that the teacher isn't very good at teaching him, rather than he isn't v. good at learning. You might be able to find a teacher who's prepared to teach him by ear initially, rather than focussing on learning notation.

Bless him, find another teacher definitely. My DP plays guitar and he learnt by ear
It should be fun for him.

Phone the teacher. Find out whether he/she realises DS is dyslexic and whether teacher can approach teaching in a different way. If unsympathetic, find another teacher. As the brochure given out at my DS' school says "Music - A Gift for Life". My DS also learns guitar and enjoys being able to strum away to himself making up tunes or trying to work out how to play pop tunes. It isn't all about notation.

His teacher is a complete git ( I am being very polite) I would definitely look for a new one. DD has dyspraxia and has a fantastic piano teacher who totally works round this. She is taking a friend's DD for singing lessons as well now who is dyslexic and she is brilliant with both of them.

FMV, we've had the same issue with a piano teacher. Both my boys are dyslexic, and although they had problems learning the notes, they could play a piece quite well after hearing it a few times.
I would sit outside and listen to the teacher say things like
"have you forgotten to bring your memory today, we've done this lots of times already"
and then, as the lesson progressed
"are you going to make me repeat myself again"
etc etc. Then loud sighs from him, and tutting noises.
He was clearly getting cross, and the children would brazen it out in the lesson, but come home sad and disillusioned.
I wrote to the teacher explaining that although progress may be slow, there was progress, and the children wanted to carry on with their lessons, but not if they were going to be chided and teased constantly. I explained that self-confidence was an issue with them etc.
He wrote back saying that I was over-protective, and the children needed to toughen up and become more independent.
This was from a very effiminate middle-aged man who still lived at home with his parents!
They never went back to him for lessons.
In your circumstances I would ask for a meeting with the music teacher, and perhaps the class teacher or head teacher too, so you can explain how your son needs treating with patience and understanding.
Give it another half term, and if it hasn't improved, look for another teacher privately.

Totally agree with all the other posts on here. Find another teacher. What a mean nastypants the current teacher does sound.

Teacher sounds horrible inflexible. Find another one. Make sure you ask lots of questions about their teaching style before you commit - and ask for a consultation or trial lesson which you can sit in on.

new teacher
asshole

thank you, thank you, thank you! i really don't want him to give up!
Teacher was told a month ago after he senta snotty note home to me.I told him patience and positive praise was needed and that if he told me how to help ds at home, i would make sure ds learned what was neccessary. We heard no more 'reports, good or bad until today when ds dissolved with grief and embarrassment at his predicament (he already got moved 'down' into lower age class, to his humiliation.

It is to ds's credit that he still wishes to persevere! We have just done some work together and some (snigger) Postive Mental Attitudeness which has worked wonders. DH has come home and we have decided to fork out (gulp) and go private lessons at home, preferably with a nice, smiley laid back, funky wanna-be rock star who may realise that you can learn something just for fun, without worrying about exams - or, erm musical ability

(and in 6 or 7 years time, when a certain, gorgeous brown-eyed boy is top of the pops with his own unique style of music, I'll make sure all your daughters get signed photos )

FMV, make sure you send a letter to whichever LEA department organises the music teachers, to let them know that this teacher has not supported or encouraged your son.
(Then we'll all lie in wait and throw water bombs at him in the car park. )

OMG, I meant the water bombs for the teacher, not your DS - that last post reads really badly!

I would suggest try and find another teacher - preferably one recommended by other parents. I was so worried about music lessons - having been cracked across the knuckles regularly as a child - but we took recommendations and dd has the fabbest clarinet teacher. He's so laid back he's practically horizontal and I have no idea at all what process he uses to teach - I can only assume it's osmosis because the children learn(often getting to grade 3 in a year) but he doesn't show any signs of teaching! Sit in for a lesson or two just to be sure you're happy and never accept anything that makes your ds cry. It's supposed to be fun - and it is the teacher's job to make it fun. If it isn't, they're cr*p teachers.

Try the Registry of Guitar teachers website,www.RegistryOfGuitarTutors.co.uk.Ds1 has a fantastic teacher out of school and the he has made huge progress.Also have dyscalculic and dyspraxix ds2 who is learning the cornet,like the other poster I wrote a long explanatory letter and spoke to teh teacher before he started ,he claerly thinks I am mad because ds2 has made brilliant progress ,loves his teacher and it has been so wonderful to see the enjoyment he gets from it and the pride in being able to do something that his peers can't.Please don't give up.

thanks again to you all, we all feel much better this morning (though how we are going to find a new guitar teacher - and whether we can even afford it is another matter; Philly great link thanks, but sadly noe near enough to us...)

Ds has been coached to say (politely, calmly and with a smile on his face) 'no, actually, I quit!' if his teacher tries to push him out of the group today. (petty I know, but will give him some face among his peers which is what he is desperately worried about)

I appreciate that it is not the guitar teacher's 'fault' that he has not been able to teach my son but I do feel he has not dealt with the situation well and surely music lessons are not just for budding Beethovens. Isn't personal enjoyment as valid a reason for taking a lesson, as skill? meh...onwards and upwards

find a new teacher

my stepfather is dyslexic, got a music degree and works as a piano and brass teacher. I'm sure if he finds someone sympathetic, he'll be much happier.

Read this with anger and disbelief FMF. So on behalf of your son. Please let us know how he gets on today.

My son has a Specific Learning Difficulty with spelling and punctuation. He has been described as having dylexic traits.
He started piano lessons age 6 and I believe that have done him so much good and that his problems would have been much worse without them.
He is 11 now and can read musical notes but can't follow them (if you get my drift) so learnt everything either by memorising or by ear. His piano teacher was one of the most lovely teachers I have ever come across, which kept son going.
However teacher changed last September and son gave up within a few weeks. As he is leaving in July anyway I let him give up.
I do believe music helped him so much. The schools music teacher (who had taught him 2 days a week in year 4) also felt that it has benefited him so much.

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