Should we collude with the school?

[TeaTime]

My ds is coming up to 5 in March and has been in MS achool since Spetember. He's 'diagnosed' (if that's what you can call it) as having global developmental delay i.e. 12 - 18 months behind his peers in language, coordination and bodily fundtions. School has been a bumpy road and is getting worse. He came from nursery with transitional funding which the school put into full time one to one support all through the first term as he wasn't long out of nappies. They have continued to fund that support and are pushing for a statement for it to continue which we also want. However the main issue now is unpredictable bursts of socially unacceptable behaviour such as throttling, pushing, biting, kicking etc (he does none of this at home or when playing with children in playgrounds or play areas...) We regularly receive disciplinary slips informing us of these outbursts which we must comment on and send back. Last Monday the Special Needs advisor (who we like and respect) told us that to 'prove' that the school was not coping and reinforce their plea for a statement based on behaviour, they would exclude him if his behaviour got really bad. (To HIM that is actually a reward as he hates school!) That happened today and we've been asked not to bring him in till 12.00 tomorrow. Apparently a statement based on behaviour ensures a fixed sum of money targeted at the child rather than a variable amount that goes into the general school pot. It feels wrong though that in a class of 14 (yes 14!!) with full time one to one support they cannot keep him in school. Goodness knows what message the other children pick up (I pray they don't know). We'd like to go along with what's best for our child and the SN teacher seems to think this is the best way , but is it? What are our options? (PS not new to Mumsnet but new this list)

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Thanks Socci. The problem about helping him at home to deal better with stuations at school is that we're not sure exactly what happens or sets him off. They say that standing in line or waiting for dinner are bad times when he will bundle into someone for apparently no reason. I absolutely agree with the 'inadvertently reinforce it' suggestion as I'm sure that one of his helpers (he has 2 teachers and 2 LSAs) just has the wrong tone of voice. However I know that I set him off myself sometimes because he will react negatively if he thinks there is disapproval in someone's voice, and mentioning what might happen tends to make him want to cause it to happen (eg you'll spill that water if you're not careful... next thing the water is deliberately tipped over... and then he's sorry and wants to help wipe it up). The Ed Psych has been off sick and so has cancelled 3 appointments but I'm eager to see if he has any clues to how ds's mind works.
Academically he's slow but coming on and he is totally fired up by stories and counting at the moment (can count to 100). He got some puppets for Christmas and he absolutely loves giving puppet shows, often making up creative little story lines. His language used to be 6 months behind but he was assessed in January and it is now in the range for his age. His understanding is a lot further behind and I think it is this which is causing so much frustration. His physical coordination is poor but he has recently mastered holding a pencil and controlling it enough to do circles and lines that look like people. He can't follow guidelines on the page at all though.

What is a Dx?

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I was in not a dissimilar situation to yours re the school some years ago so can empathise.

I would suggest that you as the parents apply for the statement rather than let the school do it. This is for two important reasons; firstly you know its been done then and also you have the right of appeal if the LEA say no (school does not have this right).

IPSEA are very good and their website also contains info about exclusions which you may want to look at (www.ipsea.org.uk).

I would also go all out to get a firm diagnosis for your son; would concur with Socci's suggestion to see a developmental paediatrician. Your GP can help in this regard by referring you.

Thanks Attila - what happened in the end in your case? did your child eventually cope? did you do your own statement? The SENCO teacher sent us the forms yesterday to fill in our bit, and the whole statement really doesn't look like something we are in a position to do ourselves, as so much was about what the school had done was doing etc. which we don't have the documentation for. However if it was for the best we'd give it a go. I'll look up ipsea as a lot of people have recommended it - thanks

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i was also going to suggest applying for a statement yourself. someone on here told me i could do it and when i mentioned it to school they said yes i could, parent applications had more chance of being successful and that they were glad i had found out as they were not allowed to tell me. i used the lancashire parent partnership website to get all the info on what to do, they have draft letters you just fill in the appropriate bit and send to lea. i dont know if every county has one of these but they are fantastic and have excellent helplines if you get stuck. you may also get help from school once you say you want to apply. do not expect the lea to be any help, they told huge great big lies to dissuade me from applying. our statement went straight through with no need to appeal so it isnt always a battle.

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appalled but not surprised unfortunately. lea also told me they didnt know who i had to write to, advised me to leave everything to school. after several conversations and left messages the person who told me that turned ut to be in the office i needed!

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Hi TeaTime,

Re your question:-

Thanks Attila - what happened in the end in your case?

We applied for the Statement when DS was in Reception and it started in Year 1.

That above sentence sounds very short and sweet but it was a very stressful time dealing with an LEA (known to IPSEA to be one of the supreme worst) who were experts in the three I's - ignorance, indifference and incompetence (particularly that one!). DS's case went to Panel three times in all; on the third time they agreed (at this time it was only five days before it would have gone to Tribunal).

Used IPSEA and they were extremely helpful to us. We used IPSEA's initial request letter with slight amendment to some of the wording.

He's In Juniors now, is still statemented, is fully accepted by his peers and enjoys all aspects of school life. BTW I was told by the Junior school that if they had applied for it now they would not get it. I was also told that every single statement application that this particular school had applied for had failed. This is precisely why we went for it when we did.