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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

Childs Behaviour, affected by me working?

20 replies

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 18:22

Hello! I am a lone parent of a nearly 8 year old, that's stuck in a bit of a situation.. my son behaviour at school isn't amazing and is always worse on a Monday after being at my parents for the weekend, because I have to go to work at weekends, I cannot currently work during the week as my son isn't doing full days at school due to behaviour and exclusions. His "father" has never been there. I have been off of work this weekend due to getting the dreaded sickness bug off of my son. He has gone in to school today and his behaviour has been amazing! this is usually the pattern. I work my 16 hours and quite happy to go to work, but I just feel that me going to work at the weekend right now, while we are stuck in this situation doesn't help him in school, I don't know where I can turn and as he is over 5 I'm just expected to go on job seekers allowance, but I cannot work during the week. Just feel like I shouldn't go to work, if its affecting him this much. but cant be expected to live on nothing.. I don't want to claim benefits. but there has to be something for me to take some time off. to get him back at school full time and for me to look for a weekday job if that's possible.

OP posts:

OohhThatsMe · 05/12/2016 18:24

What happens at his grandparents' house to upset him? What's he like when he returns from their house and comes home?

Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 18:30

He gets to do what he likes, watches TV, watches YouTube. if he doesn't want to go out he doesn't get made to, when I get him back on a Sunday evening he is usually fine as he has missed me, but its a Monday morning he starts throwing his weight around because he has to follow the rules. he is usually better at school for the rest of the week. we always see pattern on a Monday. I even had my driving test today and was worried I wouldn't be able to do it, if he was at my parents house for the weekend.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 05/12/2016 18:36

Your child's behaviour isn't affected by you working, it's affected by the lack of boundaries when he's cared for by grandparents.

It is a tough situation.

He needs to be in school full time and you need to consider working those hours and paying for suitable childcare when necessary. But that won't happen over night! I hope someone comes along with some suggestions, but meanwhile you have my sympathy.

OohhThatsMe · 05/12/2016 18:37

I would do whatever it took to get him back in line and if that meant stopping work (if it was affordable) then that's what I'd do, OP. Once he's sorted, everything else will be fine. He needs to see you at the weekends, clearly, so if the quickest way to a weekday job is to stop work temporarily, could you do that?

LynetteScavo · 05/12/2016 18:38

I would be pushing the school for a formal diagnosis of something, if they won't have him full time.

PickAChew · 05/12/2016 18:51

School need to be doing more than just excluding him.

First port of call, you need to talk to the school senco. It's time for people to stop just reacting to his behaviour and finding out why he struggles so much with transitions. Get them thinking creatively about what can be done to make Monday morning at school less overwhelming for him. They're standing on shaky ground if they're not bending over backwards to make sure he can access the full time education he is entitled to.

I'm assuming he struggles with more than just Mondays, given the number of exclusions, in which case, talk to your GP

And, unfortunately, his grandparents don't appear to be suitable childcare for him.

Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 18:56

Trying to get him back in school full time and we are getting there. sometimes i feel like we build it up all week, then it comes to a Monday and it goes backwards again. I would stop working weekends just worried about the income side of things to. i was working during the week too, until he couldn't go to school full time, lost a huge amount of income there too

thank you :)

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Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 18:58

worryingly the excusion was on a Monday. school are very good and trying lots of different things, i just think can i help more by not going to work.

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Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 18:58

been to the GP twice and had no outcome :(

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OohhThatsMe · 05/12/2016 19:20

You poor thing, it sounds so stressful.

What are your parents like? Can you absolutely trust them to do a good job with him at the weekend?

Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 19:30

Ive got no one else. When i am driving i will be looking into alternative childcare for weekends. But its very rare to find a weekend childcarer. My mum just gives in for an easy life and she has told me this. She has said she isnt there as a rule setter for him :(

OP posts:

OohhThatsMe · 05/12/2016 19:33

When you were working in the week, were you also working at the weekend? Were you taking him to school/picking up in the week? Just trying to get a picture of how it was.

Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 19:42

Was working wednesday-saturday, school hours on a wednesday-friday, all day Saturday then the occasional sunday. Then school holidays 4 full days during the week and a Saturday

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OohhThatsMe · 05/12/2016 19:45

So basically if he could go to school all day as usual, then the only time he wouldn't see you would be Saturdays? Would you be able to give up the Sundays at work and do an extra school day? Or work all school hours, but nothing else?

Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 19:47

Work isnt open monday and tuesday. If je could go to school all day id go back to work

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Original poster

MissRosie21 · 05/12/2016 19:50

During the week

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insan1tyscartching · 05/12/2016 20:03

You need to contact IPSEA or SOSSEN and get some advice. Your child is entitled to attend school full time as he is over five and the school should be putting in place support and strategies so that this happens.
Part time attendance is in effect unlawful exclusions and you are within your rights to give school notice that you don't agree to part time attendance and your child will be attending full time as is his entitlement.
Have the school or yourself requested an EHCP? If the school haven't then contact your Local Authority and set the ball rolling yourself. Post on the Special Needs boards there are plenty of parents there who can help and support you.

chocolatecakemakesmefat · 05/12/2016 21:59

Is he getting dla? Could you claim carers allowance?

Original poster

MissRosie21 · 09/12/2016 22:25

Nope he has no diagnosis, and there "isnt enough" evidence to do anything. Because his old school didnt record anything to do with his behaviour so when we moved to the other end of the city, and subsequently moved him schools. His new one had nothing to go on. Even didnt record exclusions in the official way.

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insan1tyscartching · 09/12/2016 22:51

You need to speak with IPSEA or SOSSEN and get the ball rolling with the EHCP. The school isn't the place where you should be getting your advice from as they will be protecting their own interests as well because they should be supporting your child in school full time regardless as to whether he has a diagnosis/they have evidence/there is funding etc etc.It is wholly unacceptable that they are managing your child by unlawfully excluding him for half of every school week and dressing it up as part time attendance.

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