Thanks - It has taken a while, but to be fair, our dd needed to go very slowly; rushing her led to withdrawal but I hope it shows that you can get through this, but you really do have to be on his case I'm afraid.
Go higher than the school! Have you spoken to your Local Educational Authority/Local Offer Broker to discuss what education he could access, and about initiating the EHCP? The LEA told us to submit the request ourselves, but we wanted back up and support from school as we thought it would make her case stronger. However the SENCO 'didn't have time' to complete it before the deadline and sent in minimal info which WAS the reason it was initially rejected
despite our supporting evidence.
Your LEA should be able to provide a supporting link, such as SENDIASS, who can help you complete the EHCP request for assessment - this is a brilliant service and provided the governmental and educational framework we needed, and what supporting evidence to include. I'm aware every education authority has different links and services so hope you can source something like this.
If you can get through this referral process and are offered a Needs Assesssment, an Ed. Psychology assessment will strengthen your case further; so even if you don't get the EHCP, their assessment will document his specific needs which can support a referral to the specialist school.
We also had the supporting evidence from CAMHS consultant who acknowledged dd anxieties and that she needed education in a small setting 'appropriate to her needs' He said an EHCP would be necessary as her problem exists whether or not she gets a diagnosis of ASD. This was really helpful; could you get something similar in writing from your consultant?
MN was also a good source for support too although I never posted while I was going through this, one piece of advice resonated which was to be prepared, make notes, date them, try to stay calm and in control (although you may be crying/seething/frustrated/swearing etc inside). Remember you are your ds best advocate and know his needs, so see he gets them met. Good Luck!