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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

Help, advise on yr6 deflated child

19 replies

Secondaryhelpneeded · 15/09/2015 22:26

Dear All,

I've just had one of the worst evenings ever. My dyslexic, dyspraxic DD came home in a flood of tears and would stop crying all evening. The school had asked to pen a letter to head to put your case forward to become head girl and boy. There were other positions to but she applied for one. Ofcourse she didn't get it. The same old kids got the posts.

Previous years she's applied to be part of the school council but never got voted in by the kids in her class. So I asked her to pen another letter to the head and it went somewhat as follows;

"Dear head,

I am very upset that I never got the position. I have applied for 5 years to be part of the school council but never get picked, this makes me feel left out.

The teachers in class don't notice me because I am so quiet and well behaved. Sometime I feel like I don't even exist. My stammer makes me ask questions very slowly and the teacher sometimes don't even pay attention. I have now stopped putting my hand up. I feel like I don't belong in the school like the other kids.

I would like you to change the way children are chosen for the school council as children like me are not picked and feel left out. Please can you give me the chance to be head girl as I would like show the school I am not a dumb person and I am amazing like everyone else."

Reading it make me very upset. Am I over exaggerating? Shall I not hand it in? I have noticed her stammer has deteriorated since starting back at school. How can I boost her confidence up?

Any help and advise would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

lljkk · 16/09/2015 13:01

That's a great letter. I can't see anything wrong with sending it in.
Sorry she's feeling so sad.

I find that confidence spreads if they can find one area to do well the confidence spreads to other things. My vote is often for martial arts (with a FUN club) because it teaches them that they can confidently handle confrontations (emotionally & physically). They may not win but they can know that they put up their best fight.

Sometimes kids with stammers can sing really perfectly well, is she interested in drama?

LeChien · 16/09/2015 13:04

Hand it in, it's a very eloquent, well thought out letter.
She's right, the same children are picked over and over again, and voting in children to the school council is awful, it's like allowing children to pick their own teams in PE.

JennyOnAPlate · 16/09/2015 13:29

Yes hand it in. Her letter has struck a chord with me because my own dd (who incidentally also has a stammer) wasn't picked AGAIN for school council this week. I think it's wonderful that she wants the head to know how she feels.

TeenAndTween · 16/09/2015 13:59

Yes, hand it in.

I'm not too keen on 'class votes' in primary. The outgoing , confident, popular kids get the votes, and then get even more practice at being outgoing and confident.

I'm also not keen on applying to be head boy / girl at primary. The teachers should decide who they want to do it, and offer the position. So people don't miss out by not being confident to apply, but also aren't disappointed when they are 'rejected' again.

Floggingmolly · 16/09/2015 14:03

Absolutely hand it in. Bless her

bruffin · 16/09/2015 14:21

My ds was one of the quiet ones who never seemed to be picked for anything, also dyslexic. He desperately wanted to be on school council. It all changed when he went to secondary school and was made A lower school house captain, won two prizes at prize giving and was on school council. He really thrived in secondary school.

spanky2 · 16/09/2015 14:34

Ds1 has dyspraxia . Send the letter with a copy to the teacher who should be ashamed of themselves ! It's true, ds1 is almost invisible. I say almost because I am pushy and won't let anyone do that. He struggles. His last teacher (year6) told me she thought he was autistic. I told her that dyspraxia presents like that. Her reply was' I don't know much about dyspraxia.' What the actual f**k? You're his teacher, you should know!! Your dd has proved she can argue her case very effectively. Just what a school council needs. Who wants to be ordinary like everyone else?

PhilippaH01 · 16/09/2015 15:25

Absolutely hand it in. I am a Primary School Teacher, currently a F/T Mummy, and I think it is VITAL that your child's voice be heard. Furthermore, this will give the school a chance to respond.
I agree with lljjk - singing is often a wonderful outlet for children with a stammer.
Is the school linked to a charity? Could your child volunteer to lead a charity focus? - therefore giving her precious leadership opportunities that she so clearly wants and needs to undertake?

Original poster

Secondaryhelpneeded · 16/09/2015 21:34

Thank you all for your lovely replies. I did hand it in to a reluctant headteacher who said she never vetted the applications. She lay the full blame on the teacher and said she would be carrying out the interviews for the short-listed candidates.

An hour after I handed it in I got a phonecall from the head who was confused as to why she wasn't short listed and has now given DD an interview for tomorrow!

I don't know weather to be more annoyed or not?! Didn't DD teacher even bother to read her application? This is supposed to be one of the best schools in the borough.

DD is so excited now.....bless her. I have kept emphasising that it doesn't matter if she doesn't get it.....just expressing her views has made me a proud mum.

I will definitely ask her to join some sort of choir as the stammer seems so disappear with that.

I think every child should pen a letter to their school and change the way children are elected for the school council. It does more harm than good I feel.

OP posts:

yeOldeTrout · 17/09/2015 10:01

Brilliant (we need a thumbs up emoticon!)

JennyOnAPlate · 17/09/2015 10:16

Brilliant news secondary and big well done to your dd for forcing her voice to be heard

bruffin · 17/09/2015 10:29

Thats good news
And remind her secondary school will be a new start and her chance to shine.

bruffin · 17/09/2015 10:31

Meant to say the HB of my dc secondary school had aspergers

Original poster

Secondaryhelpneeded · 18/09/2015 13:06

So I get ushered into school assembly on the sly by the school secretary....announcements are being made for all the positions.

Drum roll....DD got picked as Head Girl!

What a result! Thank you all again. Don't give up I would say, just because our children are a little different doesn't mean they cannot do everything they want in life. Just keep trying.

OP posts:

WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal · 18/09/2015 13:12

This is such a beautiful thread. I always think that dyslexic/dyspraxic children just glow with creativity, intelligence and general amazingness. Go your DD!

MazyCrummy · 18/09/2015 13:22

I'm a soppy mare at the best of times but that made me cry. Well done Secondary and SecondaryJunior

bruffin · 18/09/2015 13:34

That is brilliant news

yeOldeTrout · 18/09/2015 19:48

InimitableJeeves · 19/09/2015 13:09

Such good news, and your dd's letter was absolutely brilliant.

This has many echoes for me of my ds. He was a quiet child who tended to get ignored, but he blossomed in one year when he had a very strict teacher who kept the noisy kids well under control and gave him an opportunity to contribute. The next year he had a teacher who was also in charge of drama: she was herself very extrovert, tended to favour the extrovert kids who would also be chosen for the best parts in plays, and generally got the class pretty hyped up. DS just shrank into the background again. At a parents' evening the teacher admitted that she hadn't understood why he came up from the previous year with such good reports until she'd seen what he produced in writing. She did eventually give him a smallish part in the class play which, boastful as it sounds, he totally nailed. Again she came up to me afterwards and admitted she had no idea he had it in him. At that point I did gently suggest that maybe the quiet kids needed to be given an opportunity to show what they could do, and things improved for him.

I bet your dd will now show what she's made of, and perhaps they will learn the lesson about making appointments to the school council based on ability not popularity.

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