Help, my daughter is isolating herself and I'm not sure how to manage it?

[chuffinalong]

Hi, my daughter is 10 years old and was diagnosed at the age of 7 with severe learning difficulties. She is due to be re assessed soon by the ed psych and I'm hoping she'll soon be classed as moderate. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she has a condition called PDA Pathological demand avoidance with is a part of the autistic spectrum. When I first read about it, it was like someone had written a paper on her, it was amazing how I could relate to everything.
Anyway, she's always been quite a sociable, happy child. Everyone comments on how incredibly polite she is etc. Over the last year or so, she's started to isolate herself more and more. It started with refusing to have friends around to play, then she didn't want to go to their houses either. Then she wouldn't meet up outside of school with them. Now, she doesn't want to go anywhere where there will be other people around. She'd be happy to be at home with her daddy and I constantly. We do make her come out with us still and try to find quieter places. She's always stressed, grumpy and quick to tears though if people are around. She also shouts and makes silly noises at these times. Then complains that people are looking at her. I do tell her straight that it's because she's making silly noises etc and people wonder what's wrong with her. She then usually shouts "I don't care what they think!"
It's really tricky because my husband works all week and looks forward to the weekends and doesn't want to be stuck in, but her behaviour around others usually ruins a day out too.
I'm not sure weather to let her isolate herself and just go along with it to reduce her stress, or to just carry on as usual and try to help her come to terms with other people being around? At the moment, she's in school so she's getting a fair dose of 'social'. I do worry that if she keeps getting worse, that when she leaves school, she could end up a recluse. That probably sounds dramatic, but that's my worry.
I'd love to hear anyones thoughts on this and if you have any advice, that would be great. I feel as if we're just muddling through in the dark at times. Thank you.

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Anyone???

Maybe post in special needs rather than SEN - you'll get the more experienced audience there.

Can she control the shouting/noises or is it a tic like noise made worse by anxiety?

Is she in a mainstream school? Does she have access to SN clubs/activities & potential friends with learning disabilities?

I havean Autistic 11 year old an NT 9 year old and an under diagnosis 4 year old.

The social isolation thing is something that I can relate too with my eldest. He is so stimulated by school that outside he just wants to shut himself away.

We manage stimulation. He has bose headphones that he uses with a tablet they have a sound silencer that muffles almost all other sound and it allows him downtime.

We let him spend time in his low stimulation bedroom with curtains drawn to destress.

We plan our outings in advance and discuss opportunities for relaxation within them. For example we may go out for lunch at a familiar setting. We go early, he knows what time we'll be going, he knows what the menu is and what he'll be eating. He knows what he'll be drinking. We take a tablet, headphones and sometimes ear defenders. I know kids and tablets at tables is frowned upon in some circles but its like mental safe space and it works for us having an enjoyable time.

We're in the North and no one seams to start going out before 11am. We get to attractions when they open and enjoy two peaceful hours before going home. We tend to take out an annual membership and repetiitively visit the same place. First time is stressful, second less so by third it actually starts to be an okay trip out.

We also eat breakfast out because its quiet and cheap. rather than eat in the evening when he's closer to stimulation limit.

It is an effort to go out. He would rather stay in. He does enjoy it when he is out (most of the time).

My fear is that the isolation is a perpetuating circle. The more isolated they become the harder it becomes to break the cycle.

We don't really have friends over for him. He does have a good Autistic friend he regularly chats with over skype whilst building a minecraft empire together. This stops complete social isolation.

We have a family support worker that allocated some funds for us to have weekend support to take him out - enabling us time to spend with our middle son doing mainstream activities we can't access with the elder one, unfortunately all the schemes are full so its never happened.

Minecraft & things can be a really good way. My ds2 & ds3 (both NT) spend quite a lot of time with spectrummy friends on minecraft or roblox. It can need some managing though - minecraft can be upsetting to (all) children while they learn to cope with people destroying their houses etc

Thanks everyone. She is at an ordinary primary school with a full time one to one assistant. She often complains that the school is too noisy and that is one of the reasons she doesn't like people being around. I've talked to her about ear defenders and she's refused. She listens to stories on an Ipod when stressed out and about, but says that headphones are for home, not school. She is very ridged in her thinking..
She doesn't play computer games as they cause her far too much stress, as she has to follow their rules or her character dies. She just wants to do imaginary play with the characters in her own way.

Oh and I don't think the shouting/ noises are tics. I think she can control herself but wants us to know in no uncertain terms that she isn't happy. (Little darling)