DAY 3 back at school for DS and he in struggling so much!

[BogeyBrain]

Hello.
DS started year 3 last week.
He has started a whole new school with people he doesn't know, although has managed to make 2x friends. Thank goodness.

DS has suspected aspergers. He was on the waiting list for assessment at our last address and now going through the process all over again at our new address. We are awaiting to see the paediatrician again! This is for a diagnosis.

DS biggest struggle is school. He hates it. He hates being out of his routine, he hates new things and has severe anxiety, along with other ASD traits. We suspect he also has SPD. He doesn't like loud noises, gentle touch, etc.

So, we are day 3 into the new school year and DS isn't coping. I don't feel that his new teacher understands at all. I suspect she doesn't really know what aspergers is. At times, I am getting the impression that she feels DS is exaggerating. She has suggested I wait a week or two before speaking to the head and the SENCO. I don't think she realises that this isn't something that is just going to disappear. He has always been like this at school. Before we moved to this new address we was offered a one on one teacher for DS at school but we moved before they could get one in. I have a meeting with the head teacher and the SENCO on Wednesday morning to see if I can work with them to establish some help for DS as he has spent a while out of the classroom in these past few days in tears. He is finding it all very overwhelming and noisy.

Without a diagnosis, I don't know what I could suggest they do. I don't know who to contact about looking into a one to one teacher. What do I do? Can someone please help to point me in the right direction?

Although DS doesn't have a diagnosis yet, he does receive DLA. Should I mention this? Will it make a difference?

Thank you and I am so sorry for the huge post.

Does he have a care plan in place? He should have had one transferred from his last school so that they at least know what his strengths/focus areas/targets are.

I would request a meeting with the SENCo, regardless of what this teacher says and without the diagnosis having come through.

At this meeting, explain all the problems that he has experienced at his previous school and at this school. Together you should be able to work out a care plan that will need to be reviewed as and when a paediatrician's report comes through.

I'm sorry he's having a tough time, good he's made some friends though.

Sorry, just saw you have a meeting on Wed.

Make sure you list things he finds difficult (with examples if possible).

They won't be able to get him 1:1 immediately but should work on his targets and amend support accordingly.

Oh thank you so much for the help.

I have spoke previously to the deputy head about all of his needs, she hasn't followed through with any of the promises she made before he started. I have also discussed DS needs with his class teacher, she isn't doing anything other than - "breathe, focus on your work and it will clear your mind" and sending him out of the room with the TA to calm down. This isn't helping. He isn't able to concentrate on his work at all, he is anxious and struggling to think straight, let alone do his work. I am so so worried about him. I just feel so stuck.

There's no care plan in place for him. I thought there would be when we visited the school before he started, as we was promises different things, but nothing has been followed through with. He's being treated like the average (new school nerves) child going into school. It goes far beyond. He is sobbing himself to sleep at the thought of going to school the following day.

Did he have a care plan in his last school?

The 'breathe, focus on your work and it will clear your mind' is not the tactic I would personally use on a child who is clearly struggling but each to their own!

The important thing to do at the meeting on Wednesday is to take notes. If you think you are going to be emotional, or want to concentrate on talking then take someone else with you who can take notes.

Take any documentation you have from the previous school, any assessments you have done and a copy of the referral letter sent to the community paed.

Ask what the time frame is for them putting support in place for a child who is clearly distressed at school.

What will they do to support him in the meantime, what do they do once he has been taken out if the class?

Tell them about the sobbing himself to sleep. They need to know the extreme distress this school move has caused him and that he really isn't coping.

Ask if they can also write to refer him to the Community Paediatrician (they can) and perhaps see if they can undertake either some assessments of their own or if the SENCo can simply observe him in the class. Even if the teacher has no direct experience, a good SENCo should be able to spot a struggling child easily.

I really feel for you, it's a horrid position to be in

You have been incredibly helpful, thank you so much.

Not at all, hope it helps. It must be incredibly distressing to see your DS so unhappy. Hope the meeting goes well on Wed.

Hope your meeting went well today!

It went well thank you.
I had to keep him off yesterday as he had a huge meltdown in the morning. Stripping, harming himself and losing control. He had huge finger nail marks down his face this morning from clawing at his face.

He was incredibly distressed this morning too. He was sobbing and didn't want to leave me. He has to be peeled off of me.

The HT, Senco, DH and I all decided that the best thing for DS is to come out of the classroom for the first 15 minutes to read with the TA and then to go in to class and doing his work. He will then do something called the ELSA program, where he will leave the classroom for an hour with other additional needs children to take a break, talk about what is bothering him or to just learn in peace for a little. I am really hoping that this will help him a little.

Fingers are firmly crossed.

Hope the ELSA program helps him. We have similar problems with our DS (year 4). He now has a ASD diagnosis at the high functioning/aspergers end of the spectrum and whilst he conforms all day and tried not to put a step wrong at school, it all explodes as soon as he leave the playground and we bear the brunt of it at home. He doesn't like his new teacher and now refuses to go every day. We are still pushing for another meeting with SENCO but it is all a little slow. I think we will now apply for an EHC Plan. He has also been trying to harm himself and wants to end his life because he finds it so hard.

So sad for these little men to be so troubled at such a young age.

Glad they listen to your concerns, really hope that this helps your DS to settle.