Thanks for replying charlesryder 
No hes in ms school, the restraints happened during the 3 yrs he was at infants, since moving to primary hes had much better teaching approaches and no restraint (but I fear the restraints have damaged him emotionally ) The school have been no help in regards to the soiling, they have no idea how to handle it as much as me, as for behaviour they've put things in place to minimise the impact of it on his education- for example often using small group work or 1-2-1, getting him to engage in practical projects like fixing a motorbike and getting him to help the caretaker with tasks at lunchtimes (a time he particularly struggles with his behaviour) school hasn't been without its problems entirely though, he had another exclusion last year for fracturing another childs arm and on another occasion has disappeared out of school, being returned by police later that afternoon. hes on the sen register at school but no IEP/school action or statement or anything, they say he doesn't meet the criteria.
we saw camhs in the past (5yrs ago?)who said yes hes challenging, but your managing him well, case dismissed! never managed to get another referral. ed psych, yes saw them a lot at infants but not since being at primary- they were due to come out to him before school broke up for the hols but it didn't happen due to her being ill and off work so guessing that's off the cards now too as hes moving up to secondary now. school haven't pushed for anything, they put me in touch with get-set, who came and worked with him for 6 weeks on a 1-2-1 basis on anger management but again after that was completed we were signed off from that. the anger management has made no difference.
Paed said at last appointment she felt he has sensory processing difficulties and would refer to OT for assessment, just had a letter come through the past few days from OT to paed saying they wont accept the referral due to lack of info from her on how its impacting his life.
next pead apt now not till dec 15/jan 16, incontinence appt in September- after speaking to ERIC on the phone I plan to ask them to look at his anus as eric said a professional should be able to see whether his anal muscles are over stretched or not (which is what they are putting the soiling down to).
Just feel downtrodden with it all and losing fight. Now have had to move his sibling out of his shared room due to violence towards him and move sibling in with his little sister, not ideal but has decreased conflict.
Just feel there are so many issues and feel like im being fobbed off all the time, behaviour, soiling, weight/eating-Im sure he has a over-eating disorder ( eats v v fast, never feels full, constantly stealing food or getting into physical wrestles with me over food-this is getting worse but again haven't been referred for any further help) although hes only just about to start secondary he is a big boy and weighs over 10st and its becoming increasingly difficult to block him/restrain him if hes arguing over food or fighting with his sibling.
The soiling has no rhyme or reason, most days he does it multiple times a day, some days he doesn't at all, he has no awareness of it (so he says) he doesn't seem embarrassed about it or ashamed or wanting to make it stop. he doesn't care about how he smells and will fight about having a wash every day. He used to smear it on stuff in the past but doesn't nowadays, he often will have faeces round his fingernails indicating hes had his hands down his pants. im just at the end of my tether with it. I do what I can, try not to appear angry(although im seething inside the longer it goes on) I make him wash his garments and bag them up, then make him wash the bath out with antibac.
I feel like low rate dla would help the situation slightly due to the amount of money im spending on buying new pants all the time and the increased amount of washing that comes hand in hand with the soiling. maybe it wont, maybe it wont be worth the time to do, I don't know, im just venting really......