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Original poster

Feeling really down after parents evening

44 replies

Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 17:39

My DS has always struggled with solialising, concentrating, organising himself, fine motor skills etc. He ticks pretty much every box for dyspraxisa, but he hasn't been assessed yet.
I have had several meetings with his nursery assistants, teachers & school SENCO over the last few years, so should really be used to hearing about how he struggles, but after every meeting I come away upset.
I have tried to fight him being labelled in the past, but now I accept that DS does have specific difficulties & is not the same as the other children in his class.
His teacher this year is lovely & was very diplomatic when talking about him, but I have come away feeling upset.
He is still struggling with his concentration, he takes ages to settle to his work, he is very slow to complete work, he cannot organise himself at all, his handwriting is very poor & when doing maths assessments he sits & does nothing because there is nobody pushing him.
She said he has good days & bad & that the last two days have been good ones, but I am so worried about how he will cope with the challanges of SATs etc & all the challanges he will face as he goes through his school life.
His teacher told me that he needs a lot of support & may end up needing more support as time goes on.
She is lovely & supportive & said that she will fill me in on his good days as she knows it all seems a bit grey for me right now.
I just feel a little upset by it all & dont know how I can help him cope better in school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 17:43

Sorry for rambling on. I think I needed to offload!

OP posts:
robinpud · 17/10/2006 17:48

sorry to hear you are feeling low PinkChampagne.
It is hard when you hear your child is struggling; a mother's natural instinct is to try and make it better for them.
It sounds like he has a good teacher. Does he have an IEP which might help you to know which area to focus on? I am sure you give him lots of encouragement. Were you able to discuss strategies in the classroom to help him with issues such a concentration etc.. the old sandtimer one for instacne.
Good luck

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 17:58

He does have an IEP & is now under school action plus. She said that she will give me some handwriting sheets to take home & practise with him, & suggested that he may be better typing out on a computer than he is at putting pen to paper.
I will do all that I can for him & have praised him on his good days that he had today & yesterday, but I feel so worried for him.
His peers have always seemed to accept him, but the other day one of his classmates shouted "Hello" to him & I encouraged DS to wave at him, which he did. This child then shouted out to me "He is a weirdo at school"
My stomach sunk & I felt so sad for DS.
I just wish there was more I could do.

OP posts:
ks · 17/10/2006 18:06

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:06

We have a sandtimer at home to encourage him to get dressed quickly!

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ks · 17/10/2006 18:09

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:10

Thanks, Ks.

I try & do as much as I can for DS.
He has a locker at school now, & the other day I was a little puzzled as to why I was down to one jumper when we started the term with four!
I went into his class with him, opened his locker & pulled out 3 school jumpers!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:11

I think he is dyspraxic, Ks. He ticks nearly all the boxes, but has not been assessed yet.
Is your DS dyspraxic?

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:12

Feel I need a good cry & a glass of wine!

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Blu · 17/10/2006 18:16

pinkchampagne - you must be out of your mind with worry. I think you are right to look to a more formal assessment / diagnosis of his needs, because with the right support he will be able to do well.
How much does it distress him?

Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 18:18

Pinkchampagne, I know just how you feel. My DD is in Year 3, she's 7 and has a dx of diagnosis and hypermobility, she did at one point have speech and language delay. Things are going pretty well at the moment, she getting OT & physio at the local co-ordination clinic and we are paying for some SALT to iron out the last bits of problems with her speech. And although completely unthinkable looking back to reception, she did pretty well in her SATS, it was only her writing that she came out below average on . Her reading was one of the highest scores in the class apparently.

This year isn't looking quite as rosy as last year with a different teacher and she was being laughed at in PE the other day, plus being subjected to some subtle teasing in the playground I think. We were told she would probably need more support a bit later on when she initially saw the physio round when she got her diagnosis. We went back a couple of months ago for this lot of physio and the physio was suprised, said she thought she would be struggling more at this point.

But I do feel we have a long hard slog ahead and it's taken huge amounts of emotional effort to get her where she is now. Unfortunetly we have lower, middle and upper school system here and she's facing middle school in less than 2 years now. I don't think that the local one with 500+ pupils is the right place for her (she freaks out at the thought of it) and I'm not at all sure what to do. We're having to think of going privately and I'm really stressed at the ideas of school fees as it wasn't part of my long term plans, you know, the ones you have when they are born then none of them turn out how you thought they would !

Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 18:20

KS, the secret to shoe lace tying is getting them to practice with two different coloured laces so they can get the hang of which one goes where according to the OT. And that a lot of children find double bows easier to do.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:33

Luckily DS didn't appear to hear what his classmate shouted out, because he had whizzed ahead on his scooter. It was me that was hit hard with that comment!
He doesn't appear to be that aware of his difficulties atm. His teacher told me that they have a girl who sits by him & loves to help him, but that it sometimes makes him worse as he is very happy to sit back & have her do everything!
He was upset on Friday because another girl in his class has been pushing him & being nasty in the playground. I have spoken to his teacher about this & she's made a note.
He won't tell teachers if he is being picked on, which makes it harder.
His teacher described him as a very gental boy.
She appeared to be taking into account that DS more than likely has dyspraxia, but I really think the time has come for him to have a proper assessment, regardless of our home situation!
I really need to know exactually what is wrong with him.

KP, I am pleased to hear your DD did well in her SATs & that she is such a strong reader.
My DS's teacher explained that his reading is very good, but he is often very hard to hear because he mumbles!
I hope that year 3 improves for your DD, KP.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:35

Ohps! gentle, not gental - mental block moment!!

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Piffle · 17/10/2006 18:36

Sorry to hear you feeling so down
I know how it feels to fight labelling and then one day realising that you may need extra help for your child after all.
perhaps time to query an assessment and see what that shows up?
And support him as much as you can day to day as you no doubt already do.
Hugs btw sounds like a tough day

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:44

Thanks, piffle.

It is hard. I think deep down I have known for a very long time that there may be something wrong, but really didn't want to admit it.
I read up on the dyspraxia symptoms & was alarmed at how much fitted DS perfectly. I realise at this point that I had to accept it & try & get him help.
I have asked both SENCO & HV if they could push for assessment & both want to leave it for a while, because home life is all over the place atm.
I think he needs a formal assessment very soon though, as the problems are not going to go away & DS needs whatever extra support he can get to help him through.

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Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 18:45

I think he needs to have an assessment as well, even if you suspect dyspraxia, all kinds of help comes into play that isn't there before with the label.

Your DS sounds lovely to me I don't know if it will apply to him but outside activities have really helped my DD's confidence. She does drama which a friend recommended for her and we've found a class that is excellent (I wouldn't have thought of this and had rather a stereotypical image of mothers who sent their children to drama....) and she asked to learn the piano. I took a deep breath at this as well but have found a really good teacher and I swear it is helping her co-ordination.

DD won't tell the teachers if people pick on her. It's taken her until now to really realise the differences between her and the others but she is realising now. She did get very upset about it at one point which was horrible. I've had huge ups and downs about this and I suspect there are many more to come, but I do feel that with the right help that they can do well both academically & socially and most importantly of all, be happy. As I'm sure your DS will. Think about how many people there are around who have happy, fulfilled lives, good social lives, jobs but would have had a dx of dyspraxia if it existed when they were at school. My DH is definitely one and I have a friend who is convinced she has dypraxia too.

Have you agreed with the teacher that he will now be assessed or is it still left open on that front ?

Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 18:47

Ah, just read the bit about the SENCO & the HV wanting to leave it for a bit because of home life. I completely agree with you about the extra support and the problems not going away, think you are right to push now.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:50

I have always thought DS wouldn't cope with these out of school activity groups, because of his problems socialising etc, but it may be worth trying him out.
His socialising seems to have improved a little actually, although he has only recently started talking to his new teacher!

I will have another word with the school SENCO re him being referred.

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Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 18:52

I think the key is to find the right people running these things who really want to include all children and make it easy for them to join in. I watch DD doing all the actions to the songs they sing with the others through the glass at the end of her drama. She is all over the place but having a fantastic time and comes out with a big smile. What about trying something like beavers or cubs (whichever it is at his age) but asking around to see what the leaders are like ?

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 18:55

I thought of trying him at Beavers, but was a bit worried about how he would cope with it. I think I try & wrap him in cotton wool a little too much with regards to any group type things!
I may look into Beavers & ask him if he would like to give it a go.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 19:03

I already feel so much better for talking on here.

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Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 19:03

Is there anyone you could get round to play who already goes to Beavers ? It's often easier if they have someone they know to go with the first time I think.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 17/10/2006 19:05

He does have one friend that already goes to one of the Beaver groups.
I will talk to DS about it & maybe get his name down.

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Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 19:09

Any chance of getting this friend round to play one day even if he decides he doesn't want to go to Beavers ? Or if you think that at your house might be a bit stressful, could you take them both somewhere at some point ? I know work and stuff can often get in the way of doing that so might not be possible.