Friend's sibling with autism

[whereismagic]

My son has been friends for a couple of years with a boy whose older brother has ASD (diagnosis confirmed, SEN provision at school etc). As there is a small age gap between the boys we have play dates with all 3 of them together. Recently the older brother started getting more physical with his brother (never with my son), he gets angry or extremely upset. It affects my son's relationships with his friend and he is reluctant to have more play dates because he "doesn't like the brother". I am very keen to make sure he doesn't break this friendship for that reason alone. What can I say to a 5 year old to explain the situation?

Oh dear that's hard. Is it possible to have some play dates just the two of them?

Before I get jumped on for excluding a child with SEN my own ds2 has ASD and it's very important to me that ds1 is able to have times when he can socialise without having to deal with his brother's difficulties (not violent ones fortunately). Obviously there are lots of times when we get together with others and both come too but there does need to be some balance. I also have a sibling (could be very violent) with ASD and having my own friendships away from him was also important as it can be tough growing up with a sibling with SN.

Agree it is really important for the sibling to have time away from his brother so although delicate to broach you would be ultimately helping him

I've been thinking on taking him on an outing with my son as his brother is uncomfortable in many places. It would help me to avoid broaching this subject with their mother. My son's friend did say to her that it's nice to come to us without his brother now and again. But 1-2-1 dates died away. I feel for the mother - it must be really difficult to see social side slipping away with her eldest son. How shall I word it to her that we want some play dates without her son? Forgot to mention she brings them and stays and is a very good company.

Offering to take you sons friend out swimming, park etc is probably the best thing to do. Plus still keeping a few occasions where you meet with both boys.
I have 3 children ( my 13yr old son is autistic) and I look back on earlier years- it is incredibly difficult and you are extremely sensitive/protective about any negative comments. It sound like the mother is your friend- she will need your friendship and support, as life will be harder for her.

But it does not mean that you can't take out and sometimes have over her son on his own- my other children have always had full social lives, but the few friends that have made the extra effort to include my autistic son are really appreciated.