Can the school make DD share a TA?

[MeanMom]

DD is 13, has T1 diabetes cataracts and anxiety/depression. All within last 2 years. She does not have a statement (told unlikely to get one). There is a girl in her class that has various problems that mean she has a TA with her most of the day (not break or lunch times)Will refer to her as 'O'.

'O' had developed/discovered a needle phobia. Before Xmas she walked into the room when DD was injecting and 'lost it' - scratched another girl who tried to restrain her stayed off school next day. DD was told to make sure O was not around when she injected (she was already doing this - O came in unexpectedly) and/or use the med room. Around this time O also tried to remove DDs diabetes kit from her bag. DD now feels that she cannot do anything re her diabetes when O is around - adding to her anxiety about having problems with the diabetes at school.

Because of her eye problems school has agreed DD can have help of a TA but she must share with O. We have already indicated we feel they should not be in same class but school says then there will be no TA for DD.

I feel this situation is so wrong for both girls - but I don't know what to do about it. Any idea please?

In short - yes.

The school have to make the best use they can of available funding, and this might mean the only way for your child to receive support from a TA is by sharing with someone else. It is very unusual for children to have one-to-one support unless specified by a Statement - particularly at senior school.

I think the best solution is to look into a way to resolve the difficulty with your daughter taking care of her diabetic needs. The school need to provide somewhere private (where she will not be interrupted) to allow her to do this.

I don't know much about managing diabetes - presumably it isn't essential for your daughter to carry around her injection stuff all the time? Can the school provide her with somewhere safe to put this too?

Oakmaiden - no it's not essential for her to carry her injection kit around - it is essential for her to have her 'testing kit' with her at all times in case she has low blood sugar and needs to treat it. This also contains needles.

I understand your point about injecting somewhere else and we dont have a problem with it (although DD would prefer not to take 10 mins out of her lunch time to go do something that only takes 30 seconds). It is DDs constant worry that O will react badly if any hint of DDs diabetes is made, it all adds to her anxieties over being ill at school.

I would rather DD didn't have a TA than share with O - they have completely different needs -DD would not get hers met.

DD will have an operation in next few months to hopefully correct her vision and will not need a TA - we would like her to have work sent home online til then (she will be able to adjust font etc herself to suit) but school insist she should go in. I think she will refuse to go in after Easter - she is scared of O and what she might do.

I think you are being a little bit precious. I understand she is your daughter and you are worried about her, but I think that by removing her from school or by not encouraging her to work alongside the other child you are doing her no favours in the long room. I would be taking any additional help I could get and make the best of it.

I'm sorry, but it does sound as if the school are doing everything they can. If your daughter doesn't have a Statement then the school could not apply for funding for her to have her own TA. They are at least trying to help by suggesting that she has some dedicated time with an existing TA. O obviously has severe problems which is why she has been assigned a TA. I don't want to sound harsh, but I really can't see how the school have done anything wrong and I think it is your job as a parent to do everything you can to make the situation easier for your daughter. Helping her to consider the needs of others may be one of the ways she could make a positive out of a negative. If she is going to succeed in school she has to understand that sometimes other people's needs may be more immediate than her own.
I really hope your daughter's operation is a success and that she is soon feeling happier in herself.

I am not 'removing her from school' - I suppose you could say she was removing herself by not being able to go out of the house some days, and self harming.

She puts the needs of others above her own all the time - that's the point. DD believes she is so worthless other girl should get all the help, DD deserves none. Feels responsible for other girls phobia. Has not got out of bed today and it is not even a school day FFS.

School have tried to help I agree. But we are half way through YR8 - we have been trying to get her the help she deserves since start of Yr 7. It has taken her diagnosis of anxiety and lack of school attendance to get this done. After saying to DD in February - 'there is a girl with only one hand - she manages - whats the problem?'