Desperate for dyspraxia advice esp talking to teachers and pairing socks!

[yosammitysam]

Hi,
My ds is 10 and I have been suspicious for years that he is dyspraxic. We have parents evening next week and I have asked for the SENCO to come along. I did speak to his teacher about my concers a few months ago and she asked the senco to observe him in class. When I went back to see her she just said "oh, the SENCO said he was absoultely fine". I tried to convey my concerns again but I felt I was delivering a list of 'faults' in my son and I was made to feel like I was trying to find problems with him. I left the classroom and burst into tears!
I'm now really worried about this appontment next week. The thing is, he's academically very bright but he seems to struggle with lots of other aspects of life- he doesn't seem to pick things up instinctively. He will go to secondary school in September and I'm so worried because currently he still needs a lot of support from me. He doesn't have all the symptoms that you see on the checklists on websites but the main things I have noticed are:
he didn't crawl or roll over at all, just walked
didnt put things in his mouth or try and pick up little objects
he never learned to climb steps, or climbing frames/steps to slides on his own- I literally had to 'work' his legs for him
he had speech therapy between the ages of 3-6 because there were lots of sounds he couldn't make
he runs in an utterly bizarre way!
he still struggles dressing himself (socks a big issue)
very sensitive to certain clothes and foods

When he was little I sort of discussed some of these things with my health visitor and she did refer him for speech therapy but he was happy and bright and the other things didn't really seem to matter. I thought he would just 'get there eventually' with things and he's always done really well at school.

But as he gets older I see more and more problems arising for him. He failed his cycling proficiency spectacularly by crashing into parked cars! We went to buy him a new bike and he did this really starnge thing in the bike shop: he was hesitant about getting on the bike- you could see he couldn't quite work out which leg to swing over, and he got on it backwards! He was so embarrased!
He also gets lost easily- on a camping holiday he could never remembver where the loos were etc.

He can do laces now, but no matter how hard he tries he can't do them tight.

He is starting to struggle socially- all the other boys in his year seem so 'street-wise' compared to him. He spends a lot of time on his own.

The final straw came when I was teaching him to put socks into a pair last week. I sat on his bed with him for 35 minutes thinking up all different ways of trying to enable him to do it, but he just couldn't! It's like his hands and arms just don't work- his arm muscles just seem slack or something! My 8yo came in and watched us for about a minute and said "why don't you just do it like this" and promptly paired the socks perfectly! I could have cried. So I thought I've got to see teh SENCO- I just fear that he is going to feel hopeless. I have to try and contain my temper when he has forgotten his PE kit or whatever it may be for the millionth time. My sister has recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of 22. She had some quite serious emotional problems as a teenager and says she feels she would have coped with everything better if she'd had a diagnosis earlier. She just found lots of things hard and ended up with zero self esteem.

I suppose I want a diagnosis so everyone is clear that he will need a bit of extra patience and support. The SENCO at his school is a bit scary and I know I'll get really intimidated being with her and the class teacher. I sort of don't know where to start, especially as she dismissed my concerns so completely when she observed him.

Also, I discussed this issue with my parents (BIG mistake) who just said he was quirky and I should leave him alone and stop finding fault with him. They made me feel terrible about it.

If anyone can offer any help or advice or opinion I would be so grateful! Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get it all off my chest! Thank you if you have found the time to read my ramblings.

Just wanted to say he sounds very much like my dd - now 12. We are in the process of getting an assessment but in the end this is via the GP rather than school. Like your ds, she is 'below the radar' at school as she has found her own coping mechanisms and is good at putting on a front there. I found the GP superb - went along without her first of all and explained my concerns - then he met her, asked a few questions - and referred to a pediatric psychiatrist for assessment. School not that impressed - but at least I feel I'm doing what I can to help!

Thanks Hermit- glad you've got someone listening to you, and yes she does sound similar. Unfortunatley I have discussed this with my GP who wasn't terribly interested! He just said talk to the school but he implied that if it wasn't giving him problems academically there probably wasnt much point. He basically said he sounds like a typical ten year old boy. But I just don't agree!
I'm half thinking I might try and get in touch with the SENCO at the secondary school he's going to just before he starts and have a chat with them. Or we might look into having an assesment done privately, but I'm not sure where I would go to do this or how much it would cost.
Thanks for reading my post and taking the time to reply. I know there are people whose children have far more difficulties but I am finding this quite hard!

You might be able to self refer to the occupational therapy service yourself. Also go back to GP and insist that you want him assessed by a paed and don't take no for an answer.

If the SENCo isn't on the Dyspraxic ball then side step him/her. Go to your GP and ask for a referral - probably to the community paediatrician but as you will need an OT assessment for a diagnosis it may be straight to OT.

Two of my DC are Dyspraxic and your OP did tick a lot of boxes for me. And the advantages of a diagnosis are enormous - DS2, for example, (like your DS, clever and quirky) is coping amazingly well at High School with the use of a laptop, additional time in exams and just extra consideration in the little things like time needed to get dressed after PE. So push, nag, push some more. Be that stroppy parent :o.

this sounds very like my ds (now 16)
we spent years thinking it would all sort, esp as his older brother was a bit similar.
It's NOT being a typical 10 yr old, but if he is 'coping' in school there may not be much incentive for the school to pay attention.
I would strongly agree you need a paed assessment, go back to the gp with a list of all the things you mention here. Once we had the paed diagnosis, everything fell into place- not without some effort, but that was the key factor, and once you have that, it's there, it doesn't go away, dyspraxia is classes as a physical disability.
What helped us (once you get to this point) was for us to stress - and the ed psych to agree- that there was serious impact on his emotional well being- frustration, low self esteem, and a big gap between what he was capable of intellectually and what he produced on paper.
he is at high school now and v well supported, has extra time, a lap top, a TA. Still very messy and we have given up with bicycles!

best of luck

Thanks, that's all so helpful. So basically, for him to have a formal assesment and diagnosis he'll need to see a paediatrician and/or an OT? I wish my GP had been clear about that. He said that 'this sort of thing' is classed as a special educational need and therefore has to be sorted out by the school. Maybe the SENCo will be more willing to listen when i see her at parents evening next week. Like you Shallishanti, I have been thinking it will all sort itself out eventually- especially as friends and family seeem to have such widely differing (and not very useful!) opinions. I've only talked to a couple of friends and my parents but they all made me feel like I was just being neurotic.
Have any of your dcs had problems socially? When he was younger my ds seemed fine but in the past year or so, as they've all got a bit more grown up in the playground he hasn't been able to deal with 'playground politics' very well at all. Literally every play time and lunchtime he sits on his own on a bench reading a book. We tried to persuade him to join lunchtime clubs etc but he refused saying he'd rather just be on his own because it was easier. I talked to his teacher who said he had become a bit of a loner and that he needed to improve his 'teamwork and reciprocity skills'. But she didn't connect this with my other concerns and suspicions of dyspraxia. Again, is it me being neurotic or is this part of a pattern? I think I've read that dysparxic children can have problems socially but like i say, until recently my ds seemed ok- not the most popular child at school but he had a couple of friends. He now says he hasn't got anything in common with them and that he is just different.
I'd appreciate any opinions just so that I feel a bit more confident when i speak to his teacher and the SENCO. My dh can't manage to get time off to come with me so I'm flying solo!

My opinion is, is to trust your instincts and get those assessments. If your wrong so what - no harm done. If you are right then you will be on the road to getting the support your son may need.

Yes to the social problems - it's all part of "the spectrum" (think Olympic circles overlapping) and there are often Aspergic tendencies in Dyspraxic children. With my DS2 there are problems reading non-verbal social cues, etc. Will talk obsessively without realising the listener isn't interested - that sort of thing.

Your GP sounds as shit as your SENCo (can you see a new one?) - Dyspraxia is a medical condition and needs diagnosing by a medic. A SENCo can assess and refer but can't diagnose.

Hassled, the obsessive talking thing does sound familiar! Ds also has a tendency to stand a bit too close to people and is very tactile. But, he has a very sophisticated sense of humour and can be very laid back about things so I wouldn't say he was overly obsessive. I think if the SENCo is still rubbish about it next week, I'll just tell her I want a second opinion or a referral. I know I should be pushy about it but what I find hard is people seem to think it's really strange that I insist there is something 'wrong' with my child- so they will reassure me they think he's fine and I'll be going 'no he's not!' I guess I've just got to learn not to doubt myself so much and like you say wasuup, there'll be no harm done if an assesment proves he's not dyspraxic (just a bit odd!)
Do you happen to know what actaully happens if a dyspraxic diagnosis is given? Is it put in their school file so all their teachers know?

You should get some support at school depending on what his needs turn out to be identified as.

am quite envious that your ds will sit and read a book!
My ds is ok socially but is better around adults than peers, has a few (very few) close friends but according to school gets on ok with everyone- very individual and assertive about his own views, style etc and so very resistant to 'cool'- a real non conformist (yay!!)....can you view your ds through that lens?
'team work and reciprocity skills'- not at all sure what that means, but I'm not sure I like the sound of it.
Once you have the diagnosis, then you can try to get a statement of special educational needs, then the school have to make appropriate provision, and yes, all teachers are made aware of his needs and are expected to adapt eg by giving worksheets electronically, setting simpler tasks (in practical subjects) or allowing more time, plus a scribe in exams.
I think one of the issues is that many of the things you notice sound trivial by themselves, also they are things you notice in the home but wouldn't elsewhere. Eg my ds (16) will often put a full glass or cup down right on the edge of a table, or even so it has part of it not on the table. And until a year or so ago, I would hold my breath if he had to walk across a room holding a full glass- like you would with a toddler.

Another thing to remember is that getting a diagnosis can be liberating and reassuring for dcs- it explains why they find things so difficult.
Good luck :)

Can relate to everything you say OP my DD (9) was referred to an OT service via CAMHS (she is 'complex') and their report was really helpful. She has Developmental Co-ordination Disorder aka Developmental Dyspraxia so has problems with planning movements (like getting on a bike) balance and co-ordination and is extremely sensitive to clothing and textures. She completed a 10 session programme with them looking at improving co-ordination and building core strength. However we are now having her referred into the NHS OT service as they go into the school to carry out therapy and also work with teachers and SENCOs to help them understand the challenges faced by children with DCD/Dyspraxia. They also provide tools such as wedges for supporting sitting at desks, pencil grips and cutlery to help them build hand muscles etc.

Am not sure if you have gone down the school nurse route but I found them really helpful and they may also be able to refer directly.

i can totally relate my ds has dcd dyspraxia and senco assesed him for 3 years on and off and didnt pick it up. went down gp route chams etc and finally got diagnosed he also goes to secondary september he has become a recluse at school. (his words) my freinds can do all these things i cant they say im too much of a baby to play. however he is now getting support and is improving ot are fab, you have to be a very pushy parent to get school to listen to you. and my family have had problems accepting his diagnosis but i let them watch him for an hour at the park and they now have a better understanding.
chin up xxx

Just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone who answered my post. I saw my ds's teacher and senco on Tuesday and actually felt they listened! All your advice really, seriously helped me get my thoughts together and work out something sensible to say. They said taking everything into account it wouldn't do any harm to have him properly assesed by a paediatrician. The only thing his teacher had really noticed was the fact that he had become such a loner (she taught him when he was in the infants so could see how he'd changed) but she agreed after listening to me talk about the difficulties he had at home that it would be helpful for him to see a paediatrician. Only fairly major downside is that she said it would take months for an appointment to come through, Am going to post again about how to go about getting a private consultation as dont know where to start but if any of you guys have any advice, again I'd be so grateful!!!!