Would parents of SEN children be offended by this ?

[RosemaryandThyme]

Hello

Last week after swimming I was passing the sports hall of our local leisure centre with my 6 year old son - a chap came over and asked if my boy would be willing to join in a football lesson as they were short of a player.

As we were in no rush he joined in very happily, all boys, aged 6-8.

I got chatting to another mum and then realised that all the other boys were on the Autistic spectrum, the other mum went a bit less friendly when asking me what condition my son had (he hasn't).

At the end the organisers asked if we'd like to sign-up and go each week, my lad was really keen too and so I did.
Was I wrong ?
I'm now thinking perhaps it's really offensive for other parents to have a non-special needs lad join in with the football group, the more I think about this the more I'm thinking that even though the children all got along fine I may well of unintentially upset the parents and they might be thinking bog off to a different team.

I wouldn't mind in the slightest. I think.

Me neither

Speaking as a sister of someone with Downs Syndrome I would be pleased his team was being inclusive, they're all just young lads enjoying a game of football at the end of the day. I would be the opposite of offended. It will be good for your son too..

It wouldnt bother me, if they were a 'man' short and your DS helped make up the numbers wheres the harm?

The only problem I could foresee is if another boy [with ASD] couldnt have a place on the team because your son was there, that would be unfair. if theres still room for others even with your DS there-no problem.

Actuallly I'll add a caveat - if there was a huge waiting list of SN kids wanting to join that couldn't join an NT team, then I might be a bit peeved at your DS taking up a space.

But given that they were short and you DS was asked to join, and is obviously a lovely child (having been asked to sign up regularly) presumably what I have said does not apply atm

xpost with Amber

One of the ways that children with ASD can learn better social communication skills is to be with children who have them. So I'd be delighted at a mixed team if the emphasis was kept on the needs of the group it was set up for. Some NT children are fantastic at compromise, explaining and acceptance of what is, sounds like your son might be one of them.

Thank you for your replies - very good point -I will check with the organisers that there aren't other children on a waiting list and let them know that we would of course step out at any time.
They needed to have even numbers because one lad became terribly upset and started banging his head when they split into two groups, he counted the players and realised there was an odd number and was distressed, hence the organiser rushing out to grab a passer-by - did worked a treat to be honest, the lad stopped hurting himself quickly and was given a certificate for being man of the match.

To be honest my son was far more relaxed than I was, I asked him after if he minded that one lad he'd spoken too hadn't spoken back, ( he said that's OK mum I'll just do the talking for both of us) another flaps his arms and caught caught him across the face (my son just said x wants to fly mum - I'll give him more space next week) - guess there are moments when it truly is the beautiful game.

OP I want to clone your lovely child and give one as a friend to every lonely ASD child.

What a thoughtful tolerant boy he is - you should be very proud

What a sweetie. I think I may actually have tears in my eyes!

I wish there were more children like your son OP, mine's an arm flapper although he tries very hard not to around NT children but stressful situations etc and he flaps like a crazy thing. It's good for ASD children to mix with NT children and vice versa the children in my DS' class are very understanding as they've been with him since he was 3, but other children are not so nice. ASD children understand perfectly well when they're called names by their peers (and sometimes the parents of other DC).

Your son sounds truly lovely. As a parent of a SEN child I would not be in the least bit offended if your son joined the same football team. DS is not yet of school age but we're hoping to send him to mainstream school anyway.

Back to say how lovely your son sounds

Your DS sounds lovely.

As long as he isnt taking someone elses place then I wouldnt mind. My DS1 attends disABILITY football and I would be happy for this.

Ah, this has brought a tear to my eye, what a lovely story. It's so touching to hear of NT children interacting so thoughtfully with those with SN. I would definitely let your DS join up (subject as others have said to not taking a place from someone with SN). Anything that can promote understanding and cooperation between children with differing needs has to be a good thing IMO.

Hopefully the other mum isn't really offended, it may have just caught her on the wrong foot. She might just have been worried that your DS would think the others are weird (I constantly worry about other children thinking my DS who has AS is weird, but in actual fact they generally take him pretty well for what he is). Maybe having seen how well your boy played with the others she will be fine about it from now on. I would just go along and chat with the other mums about the DCs next time and generally show an interest, I would have thought most of them would be quite happy if you did that, I know I would.

"hence the organiser rushing out to grab a passer-by - did worked a treat to be honest, the lad stopped hurting himself quickly and was given a certificate for being man of the match."

So your sun helped the organiser make a reasonable adjustment and had fun - good for him.

Things like this ccan often be tsted by using the "other way round" ie if this was a neurotypicaa group and asked a SEN child to join would you be upset?

My DS was the only NT child in an ASD playgroup - designed specifically to help the ASD children learn communication skills from an NT child. Unless your DS was taking the space of a child with SN then I don't see a problem.

Thank you for your replies, your messages really helped me go back today when I was procrastinating this morning - and it was magical.
All the boys had such a nice time and it all seemed a lot calmer this week, l was a bit nervous but need not have been - another mum came over and said "we're glad you came back, we didn't think you would", made me really glad we had.
For one part of the session the children were in pairs and had to call "pass" to the other player to get the ball, over and over Ds was calling "pass" for himself and for his partner, finally his partner very quietly said "pass" and both boys jumped up and down clapping their success - it's been the highlight of my day !

You sound lovely and thoughtful too, Rosemary.

Fantastic!