Can anyone talk to me about AS or High Sensitivity?

[SugarPeaSnap]

Hello,
First time posting on these boards, but it's beginning to dawn on me that features of my son's character/behaviours may be connected or fit some kind of pattern. I feel the need to write it all down and share my thoughts as to whether I have a high need 3 year old or a 3 year old with a possible underlying reason for his high needs. Here goes:

DS is very sensitive to and alarmed by loud noises/barking dogs- (lots of those where we live )/groups of people he doesn't know/new situations. He doesn't like being made the focus of attention. He finds transitions really difficult/ letting go/saying goodbye/falling asleep etc. He gets very irritated by shoes and clothing that might scratch or annoy him. He can't bear food that has ingredients mixed up,e.g. pasta with a sauce on, or is thick in any way. Mashed potato would be a no no, but he loves any thing that is bite size, crunchy, likes different foods seved separately. This is an example of something I know can apply to autistic spectrum children but also to many young children in general- so how to know when the behaviours have a deeper cause? He can't bear it when he gets sticky or messy eating. Doesn't really like eating cereal in case milk drips on him. He will choose to eat it but it's something I've learnt might end up making him irritable IYSWIM.
He's highly articulate/inquisitive and has always been happiest talking about and discovering the world around him.

He has a very active imagination, happily plays alone for long stretches of time - has great concentration and resourcefulnes - and enjoys symbolic small world/role play etc. He thrives in the company of adults he knows well and some older children I think because he finds the conversation and play more satisfying and stimulating whereas he finds the unpredicatbility and impulsiveness of some of his peers hard to handle. A busy playgroup for example, would be a really unsafe/overwhelming environment for him. He's very attached to me and his grandparents and within the family context he thrives - inquisitive, bright, active, playful and so on, but when we go out in the world so many situations seem hard for him to handle. When I handle things right I know how to make him feel happy and good in his skin, but certain situations take him out of his comfort zone and he feels threatened and frightened. His emotional reactions in these situations can seem to other people really extreme. I've read Aaron's book, the Highly Sensitive hild and it certainly applies to him, and me!
He hates being wrong, but what 3 year old doesn't. He is quite a perfectionist.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop there! So, should alam bells be ringing? Or do I just have a highly sensitive bright child?

I'd really appreciate some second opinions.
Thanks in advance

Sorry, meant alarm bells....

You ought to post this on the special needs children board, there is much more traffic there and loads of people with loads of knowledge.

In the mean time, if you are worried enough to be posting on here maybe you should take what you have written to your GP and ask for a referal to a developmental paediatrician. You don't need to take your son with you just some information about him.

Keep a diary of all the behaviours that seem out of the ordinary to you because when the GP asks you why you are worried you will instantly forget everything.

Try not to worry too much, even if he does have some issues, he is still your lovely little boy and nothing will change that.

You say that he has a good imagination, does he make up stories/games with his toys or does he act out events which have happened or relive experiences through the toys. There is a difference and the second kind of play does not require imagination. Just a good memory.

Good luck.

My son is exactly as you have described yours, in fact I could have written you post myself. I think you know the answer, as do I, that there is something different about him. My son is 4 and I can relate to everything you have described and to other parents whilst the traits you are describing may sound usual, when you look at other children you can see(although not very clearly) that they are not. Whilst I celebrate my sons good and mature behaviour I am now taking steps to desensitize him which is very very difficult.
My particular interest is heightened now as I attempt to find a school scenario that suits him.There isnt much literature on this topic so it would be good to hear of any one elses's experience.

A highly sensitive child. With a much richer tapestry to how he experiences life? Self-contained with clear views on what/ who/ how he likes the world?
You've probably already looked at www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

Years 6 to 11 can be more challenging given his maturity (both more AND less developed than others). His being aware (not de-sensitizing, but giving context and perspective), and your support and celebration of his gift, is the best preparation for navigating school and others. And you already know what to look for in a school ethos, don't you?

Remind him how lucky he is to have the gift of added perception. No matter how challenging the scenario, would he rather see/ feel/ hear less than he does? Would you?

Hi Zeolite, you obviously are experienced on this matter and I would love to know what kind of school suits best.
He seemed very happy at his montessori nursery which was a small fairly structured environment with teachers that did not shout.
I have tried him for the nursery year in a private school , which is ok but not perfect as school dinners are compulsory and the teachers are very shouty, and he has already said he is ready for a new school when he is 5 for these reasons, which I am very sad about because he has lots of friends there and is a popular member of his class of 24 kids .
He will go into a small state school in september for reception which has 30 children in the class.I have no idea how he will cope with the noise since he finds his current class of 24 kids noisy, however he will be in a space 3 x larger. He will have packed lunch which he is looking forward to but I dont know whether the discipline/shouting will be more or less especially since they go hand in hand at his current school.
I cant really afford the private primary school which is why I must at least try the state school, since I have decided not to go back to work whilst he is young as I felt it more important to be at home for after school.

I particularly like the bit about embracing his sensitivity rather than worrying about it.

Hi Sophie, if you don't mind, I'll PM you.

Sorry to SugarPea for the hijack...