what do you think?? please......

[trasa]

Hi there
my 6yr old lad is in yr 1,and since he started school there has been lots of problems with his behaviour and i just dont know what to do anymore!!
my lad they tell me is very bright,so no problems academically..
however his behaviour is another story,
he has been assesed for adhd a yr and a half ago and they assured me he hasnt got it,that he was just bright,over chatty and confident,
but the school really struggle with him,hes been sent to the head office almost every day for bad behaviour and disrupting the class,they told me he stands out with his behaviour,they said he annoys others.
im starting to get sick of been told so much bad about him,i have other parents saying things to me which is so upsetting,they say,oh he looks like a handful,and he needs alot more attention then others and one said its not fair that he disrrups the class when other children are trying to learn,
i understand what they are saying,but what can i do?? i know my child is a handful but i try so hard,its getting to an embarrssing piont with him sometimes,with his constant toilet talk and baby babbling,
he is on an iep,but i cant see what that is doing.what do you think?adhd?talk to the teacher again!?ive spoke to my son and he says he likes when others laugh at him!!and it seems every time hes sent to the head office its coz another child has told him to do things,ie:stick his tounge out at teacher etc,teacher says he made a choice to do it so he must face a consiquence for his actions,
so please someone tell me,is this all ok?am i reading to much into things?

Hi trasa, I've been in a very similar situation. My advice would be to ask the teacher what she feels is the extent of the problem, and discuss with the school psychologist if they have one. If you can, get your GP to refer you to a clinical psychologist and keep pushing until they explore the case very thoroughly and give you some answers. In our case, after 5 months of waiting list we went privately. The problem with assessing 6 yr olds is that it is a bit early to give a firm opinion, but at least you start to understand what the likely problem is and what you could do about it. We went to see Bettina Hohnen (you can google her), and, although there was more wait to see her, it was well worth it. She concluded my son is likely to have a combination of adhd/dyslexia/dyspraxia, and gave some advice on follow up. It's a long road but it's worth it. Hope this helps.

Hi trasa

Your little boy sounds wonderful and smart and a real joy. and I recognise everything you've written about. Firstly we shouldn't forget he's only 6 and a boy who sounds as though he's got spirit and whilst that can cause problems in school, try not to knock it out of him. Children love the attention of others. I really don't understand why the school are 'struggling' with him. Have they tried strategies such as rewards, I'm sure they have but worth asking. You could do the same at home - e.g. try a reward chart at home; make this realistic so don't promise he'll get an expensive toy every week as this is not sustainable, unless you're rich. So, each day when he's behaved well, be it at home or at school give him a star on his chart. At the end of the week when and only if it's full he gets his reward.
Also, when children don't fit the mould in some schools their teachers panic and why I'll tell you why - teachers are streched beyond belief and they have to meet assessment and attainment targets for each child in their class. In other words if your son isn't achieving then poor old teach gets kicked. This is rather simplifying the whole story.

I really could go on and on but for fear that I might induce bordom I'll stop.

Seriously, though have a talk with the teacher and if possile SENCO and try to work together this is often the best way. Hug him lots and try to explain some of the impact of his behaviours on others.

Good luck and keep reminding yourself he's a little boy.

Hi guys
Yes I will have a chat with the teacher. And I know he struggles and I understand coz I struggle.
I've got reward charts up. 1 for kind hands and feet. Another for getting ready for school and bed time. I also have marbles for him for random rewards which he loves. Coz if he earns 10 he has a reward.
When hes at school I also reward him if he gets a reward at school
I have just completed an amazing parenting course which has given me lots of confidence with him and lots of tools to work with.
But things just still are not rite. He is a lovely, funny little boy. And I don't want to see anything happen to him. I do explain what his actions do sometimes and he seems to understand, but then 5mins later he does what Ive just explained he shouldn't do!!!
Teacher says that in a yr or two he will have boys hit him back! I don't want that to happen although I can see it happening to him if he doesn't stop his bad behaviour,poor little man.
Hope all this made sense as I've wrote it on my Fone xxx

hi la66
ive had a look at that web site of that lady,she looks perfect for what we need,could you give me some idea of what the cost is to see her?and how many times you needed to see her?
many thanks x

Hi, I suppose it depends very much on the type of assessment she needs to do, depending on the individual situation. In our case she spent a full morning with our ds taking him through different types of tests, in addition, she went to the school to talk with the teacher and the headteacher. This all cost about £600, including a very thorough report explaining all her findings and talks with us to explain her conclusions and recommendations.
Good luck.

thank you la66
i had a good chat with the teacher today,
he was very reasuring,
he said he wasnt the worst in the class but said he was difficult!
i also spoke to him about the fact my son is always up at the head teacher,he understood my concern and said he would speak to the head about what they should do there,coz he said himself that,that punishment is not working.
he said my son seemed anxious,hes always biting down pencils and hates for anyone to sit on his seat or very near him etc,teacher said i need to watch that??!! he said hes always on the go and fidgets constanly!
he also said that hes very aware that other children are getting my son to do bad things,he said its very hard coz he does need to learn not to listen to others and that his actions will get him in trouble!
he assured me when my son is sent to the office that he then speaks to the other child involed and makes them see that they have just got him in trouble,
he agreed that my son should see an educational pysch,teacher thinks there is a mild form of adhd there.
he said he would get it arranged asap
thank god!!!

Right,
Bloody hell,i spoke to dr. today to get our boy re referred to an ed psych,in which i was told no,that if the school have the main problem then they should be doing the referring to the school ed psych,is this right??
(teacher said to me this morn that i had to go to my gp and get referred,as there way would take to long)
what should i do now???

Hi trasa, perhaps you could ask the teacher to write a brief note which you could pass on to your GP explaining why they think your child needs to be referred? Our gp did not make any problems to refer us, but he did not seem to know the system, so I had to keep calling the surgery to understand whether the referral had been made, whether it had been passed on, to whom and when, and then, eventually it's a matter of waiting- but they should give you an idea of how long is the waiting list, it varies significantly depending on the area (in our area it was 8 months!). It's a full time occupation, it takes a lot of persevering, so just keep asking them.
I hope this works out for you.

Trasa, your GP is messing you about. He/she can refer you. You need a referral to a developmental paediatrician. You might not get to see one, as there aren't many about, but you should at least get a referral to the community paediatrican, who can refer on from there if necessary.

I would do both to be honest, get the school to bring in an Ed Psych to observe your ds in the first instance and also go back to the GP and insist on a referral.

That way you have covered all your bases.

My son has ASD, we went to our GP with our concerns about him and she referred us straight to the community paed, who we saw within 6 weeks and who told us he thought a diagnoses of Aspergers would be appropriate, but referred on to the local multi-disciplinary ASD assessment team for proper assessment. It took a further year's wait for his appointment to come through, but ds was diagnosed with AS in January this year.

One thing I would recommend is typing up some notes on your concerns and your ds's history from pregnancy through to the present day. Get your GP to forward it with the referral request. This can really help speed the process through and sets out all your concerns for them to read in advance, which helps a lot on the actual day of the appointment.

Don't let them fob you off. Stand your ground and insist on a referral.

Good luck.

Good evening
well i got the gp to do a referral for me,
i went in with a letter fro the school aswell which helped,
but the school are standing firm,they said wait till that assessment is done before they get the school psych in,
the problem is,i have many friends who say,oh dont worry,he hasnt got adhd,my boys were the same!!!
and im thinking,that there is no problem,till teacher mentions it again and again,
so who do i listen to?
and friends who know us say,hes not as bad as there making out,one or two say mmmmmm he is a little hyper and loud but i wouldnt have thought there be a problem,even my husband says,hes fine,i was the same as a child,there was nothing wrong with me!!
so who do i listen to????is he fine,is it just a long 4/6 year phase hes going threw?did you all hear all of this from friends and family?
thank you guys for your replies
xxxxxxxx

Well done!

I get that all the time and my ds has a diagnosis! "Oh, all boys do that" or "its just a phase, they all go through it" - drives me batty.

Friends don't know him as well as you do, trust your gut instincts, I'm a big believer in mums being the experts on their own kids.

Remember, children behave differently in different settings. Some can't cope with school and will display behaviours there that you might never see at home, others might keep a lid on it at school and act up the minute you get them home. They are all different.

Trust yourself to know your son. If you are worried go ahead with the referral, all they will do is take a history, have a chat and maybe either play with or chat to your ds for a few minutes. If they think there's something worth investigating you can take it from there, if not, at least you will have put your mind at rest.

I am not at all impressed by the school's attitude. They have a duty under the SEN Code of Practice to support your child to access the curriculum effectively. If they are the ones raising concerns about his behaviour, they are duty bound to bring in the appropriate professionals.

this is the government's website that sets out how the Special Educational Needs process should be followed. If they aren't doing this, they are in direct contravention of the SEN Code of Practice (SENCOP).

As far as I can tell, he is currently on School Action and has an IEP (see above link). If he still isn't making any progress, despite them trying different strategies on the IEP, then he should be moved up to School Action Plus and an Ed Psych brought in to assess him.

Its the SENCOs job to make sure this process is followed and to bring in the external professionals as appropriate. SENCO means Special Educational Needs Coordinator. Its actually his/her job to coordinate all the external professionals that are involved with children in the school, therefore its her job to bring in the EP.

They can't tell you they have a problem with your son's behaviour in class, but you have to sort it out yourself. His behaviour in an educational setting is their responsibility and the first line would be to bring in an Ed Psych to assess whatever problems he has that could be considered a barrier to his learning. If its something the EP can't diagnose, they can also ask for you to get him referred, but those two things should both be happening, its not an either/or situation.

Sorry, I'll get off me soapbox now. It just makes me so mad, my ds1 was let down all the way through infants as the school refused to see the problem or bring in outside professionals. He went into freefall when he hit juniors in year 3 and I still ended up calling the EP in myself.

(That's a thought actually, check your local council's website under LEA (Local Education Authority) and see if there's a phone number for the Ed Psychs. If there is, give them a call and talk it through with them. That's what I did and within a week they'd been in to assess ds and give the school a huge boot up the backside.)

wow moosemamma
YOU are amazing!
i want you with me at the peads when i get my appointment!!!
i wish i had so much knowledge on all of this,and i think they know ive none,hence being shoved around!!
ok,on monday i will make my call to the LEA,thank you....
I was angry today as my sons iep says every time he gets angry and uses his "voice" to come and tell an adult,rather than hit the person he is angry with,he will recive a stamp in his book,if he gets 5,he earns a reward,im happy with that,
BUT he told me today when he got in,that he used his voice twice today when a boy spit at him and the second time a boy sat on his chair,he went and told an adult,we were so proud and we rewarded him with a packet of buttons,but he didnt get any stamps off teacher,
he knew nothing about it from what i can make out,
so i will be having words about that!!!
but anyway,thank you,i will make that call on monday and see were that gets me
i dont want to go all the way threw infant school like this either.....
xxx,

Trasa, I'm not amazing, just a couple of years down the line from where you are now.

Two years ago I hadn't a clue, knew nothing about ASD or the SEN system and was daft enough to trust my son's school with his education and social and emotional wellbeing.

Its been a steep learning curve, but we are making some progress now and I'm still learning such a lot - especially of the other lovely people on here.

If you need anymore help I really recommend posting on the the Special Needs board rather than just the Special Educational Needs board. There are such a lot of really knowledgeable, supportive and helpful people on there and I've learned most of what I know from them.

It works well as a community because there are people just starting out with investigating whether or not their dc has a problem, right through to people who have been working with and fighting their way through the system for years.

There a definitely a lot of people on there who are much more knowledgeable than me, who would be much more able to offer you the right advice.

Good luck on Monday.