South Asian mid 50s and thinking of divorce

[Finallysawthelight]

Hello, I just wanted some constructive advice and maybe shared experiences. I'm in my mid 50s, been married 36 years. Mostly horribly lonely in the marriage. Husband was always too busy providing for his own family, he never really bothered with me and the kids. Now the kids have grown up he's being very attentive towards them and keeps showering them with money. He was verbally, emotionally and financially abusive quite soon after we were married. We've been separated now for 2 years and I'm finally feeling strong enough to apply for a divorce so I can move on. However I'm really hesitant because I keep worrying that it will affect my children's chances of marriage and they will be judged by the community. I'm also worried about navigating family events as a divorcee, such as graduations and weddings etc. Most of my family are abroad so I don't really have much family support here. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice please?

With all kindness, you are in your 50s now, why do you need family support to break away from an awful marriage? What kind of support are you wanting? And what about your children? Surely they love you and will provide you emotional (and financial, if needed) strength? And I'm not sure why you being divorced will impact graduations or even your children's chances of marriage? Are you going to ruin your life for potential ifs and buts, that no one can really answer? You are already separated, go ahead and end it formally, so you can live a peaceful and fulfilling life.

I think the better lesson for you children is to teach them not to stay in an unhappy marriage.

If you knew what type of nasty narcissist my STBXH is then you'd realise why I'm worried about special events. He's always ruined special occasions by sulking or causing an argument or just by saying nasty things to me. So I'm worried about how to navigate occasions now because once we're divorced he'll be worse!