Brother lying about working, staying with gf instead

[Greter]

We are late 20s, live with parents in London. I have just found out my brother has been lying about working in order to go stay with his girlfriend. I am on sabbatical (working on improving mental health health). Brother is a doctor so has plenty of opportunities to say he is working nights. Parents wouldn’t care about his gf. We’re Sikh, our older brother is married to a non-Sikh and parents have just told us all to do what makes us happy.

It’s annoying because we share responsibility for caring for our mum who has health issues. I obviously do a lot right now but I did most of the house work even when I was working as a family solicitor.

Im posting here cause hopefully other South Asians will understand weird, enmeshed family dynamics.

Brother is very private but I’m fuming at him taking the piss out of me

Your brother is entitled to his life as are you. I think you need to see a counsellor as caring for some one is hard work and I’m not sure this route is good for your mental health.

Are you South Asian? OP is posting here cause hopefully other South Asians will understand weird, enmeshed family dynamics

I'm brown and I'd say exactly the same. Your brother has every right to have a relationship, as do you. He just needs to be honest about it and tell you when you when he will be away. Have you spoke to him re a practical plan to cover your mum's care?

Do you know the reason why your brother is lying? Does he live with you and need/want to escape?

Perhaps have a word and take turns in caring for your mum, so you all get respite.

OP, your brother is doing what all typical indian boys do. He has 1 type of face for family and another for friends. He doesn’t want anyone to know about his girlfriend because if he did he would have been open about it a long time ago. He still wants to be seen as the good son working hard not shirking his responsibilities. You have two choices 1) talk to him & tell him he needs to pull his weight & if he chooses not to then 2) you need to talk to your parents but be mindful when having this conversation as the last thing you want is for your mother to feel like she is a burden to you all. I will be straight with you at the end of the day you are the daughter and he is the son. Your parents may treat you equally but your brother is clearly showing that you should be carrying the load whereas he is getting to just swan off & do whatever and I guarantee that he will be pointing out that you are the one who is not working at the moment so should be the one taking up the responsibility. Do you have a good relationship with your brother?