Ok so I want to give context here:
I'm in my early 30s, married 10 years, it was a love marriage/I chose my partner. We have 2 young kids. I love my husband, he's a great dad, good husband (sure we have the usual marriage disagreements).
Here's the deal:
He has/is providing me with a lifestyle I could never imagine. We have a beautiful house, 2 beautiful kids. Both families look at us as the ideal couple. We are lucky that we don't have financial worries or any other worries. He is a handsome man but I'm just not attracted to him. There's no instant lust, spark, urge to be passionate. If I'm honest I could go months without being intimate. We try to have date nights but get so busy with work, kids, life and social commitments. When we do make time, I just don't feel anything.
I've had my hormones checked, blood tests done - all normal. I know many people say this is a phase but I don't think it is. I am attracted to other men and embarrassingly fantasies about non-real other men.
I now think to myself, I am happy but is this it? Is this marriage and this is what life is like for the rest of my life?!
Sorry I know I sound horrible and ungrateful but I really can't talk or say this to anyone I know.
Would love to heat thoughts on this.