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South Asian Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of South Asian Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Elder Sibling dynamic

3 replies

Chupchaap123 · 30/10/2024 11:32

How do those with older sibling who takes on a parental role deal with it?

We have an elder sibling who has always had to take on some of the usual Asian culture of being in a semi parent role growing up,even though we had active parents. Helping to look after us, giving advice when needed. They're the one parents go to for advice etc if anything comes up, they're the first to be consulted. Which is all fine , we get it -the respect is there and we love them very much.
BUT this sibling now comments on everything we do, our parenting skills, how the children should be doing xyz by now , how they should be eating xyz, why don't they behave like that, why are you living life this way not that way, this would be better for you and so on and so on.
It's getting tiresome and just feels so judgey all the time. They're quite opinionated on others too, but it's really starting to exasperate me. I don't know how how to handle this without it blowing up to them feeling disrespected as the older. Is it something we have to just learn to live with being south Asian or combat it?

OP posts:
user1484745101 · 14/11/2024 01:09

Your parents have enabled them, so it's tricky. But next time tell them politely to mind their business. Keep repeating this is how i do it / prefer to do it. Everybody deserves respect, it's not just reserved for those older than us.

heartbroken22 · 15/11/2024 10:48

Stand up for yourself. Keep doing it and one day it will stop.

Blue78ivy · 19/12/2024 22:18

As a older sibling the first born let me tell you it is HARD! i am a account for my parents a interpreter a mediator, council tax reductions form filling, bills, taking my mum to appointments, taxi service, giving family advice emotionally support even though no one takes my advice and then complains when it shit hits the fan and my predictions for not taking my advice comes true, i have this immense pressure of being perfect and not going outside the lines and the youngest of us 4 siblings is 24 still living at home not one of them can pick up the freaking fone and call a plumber! its Exhausting! So if my sibling felt like i was being a bitch and opinionated on her kids (which i am most of the time 😉) i would not be offended if she told me to fuk off lol and leave her alone... i guess what im trying to say is let them know how u feel and understand where they are coming from too and try come with a mutual agreement i think talking helps... or if its really deep keep a distance, not get involved in their lives, and dont let them get involved with urs

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